Monday's Child...

"Monday's child is fair of face..." as the poem begins. I was born on a Monday. Being a natural redhead with freckles who doesn't tan easily, I certainly could be called "fair" as in pale. As far as the "fairest in the land" context goes, that's open for debate. I've been called an ugly duckling and a swan. These days bloated and waddling around I think I'm leaning more toward the duck!

My baby was supposed to be born last Monday (the 23rd.) I've read that a mere 5% of people actually give birth on their due date so it's really little more than a guess. 50% of people have their babies late. I've heard it's really common to go later when it's your first child. So I guess this is nothing out of the ordinary. But I was really counting on having her last week. She will still be a Monday's child tomorrow, the 30th, since my doctor is inducing me. Unless of course she surprises me today/tonight (in which case according to the poem she would be "bonny and blithe and good and gay.")

I'm a bit nervous about the induction. The doctor explained to me that I'd be given oxytocin and my water would be broken. I had heard that when labour is induced it is more painful than when it happens naturally (which frankly for someone with a phobia of pain is NOT good news!) She admitted that it would be more intense. The trade-off is that it is shorter lived. Natural labour tends to last about 24 hours and induced labour about 12 hours, on average. More pain for less time? Not sure I'm sold but I know that labour is no picnic regardless. Having gone a week overdue though, I know that I don't want to be pregnant one more minute! Enough is enough!

My feet have been bloated for a long while. Mostly the tops of my feet (big and purple and puffy). Now even the soles of my feet hurt. They are bulbous and sore, making it that much harder and more painful to walk. It's like walking on hot coals or a bed of nails. I am reminded of the little mermaid when she had her wished for legs but every step hurt like a knife.

Speaking of mermaids, and other sea creatures, my niece and I created a sea theme mobile for the nursery. I hadn't been able to find a mobile like I wanted so my talented niece Shannon and I created our own. My sister joked that the baby hadn't been born yet because she was waiting for her mobile to be finished. Well, we're done baby so you can come out now! Everything else in the nursery was done. My frantic nesting pretty much covered everything else.

Shannon and I designed our little creatures, cut them out of felt, stuffed and sewed them. She did a seahorse, octopus, starfish and fish. I made a seahorse, whale, mermaid and fish. We had fun making it and I'm thrilled with the results. I think it's really cute and much more personal than just going out and buying a mobile. My niece is an artist like me. I'm hoping maybe my little girl will be too...

I've been trying to keep busy. Sewing mobiles. Going out on excursions. Might as well. I can't just sit around and wait. A watched pot never boils. A watched belly never births. I have had a lot more energy for the last while, despite the physical challenges of moving around. Though the doctor denied it, other people have told me that walking around helps to bring on labour. I figure it can't hurt. My doc did say that the baby was lower and that my body was getting ready. I am getting more intense pain and pressure "down there" so stuff is definitely going on. I read that it's helpful to visualize your body as a flower blossoming or a fruit ripening. I think I'm pretty ripe at this point. Now I just have to bear the fruit of my womb. Hopefully more like an apple than a watermelon. (I'm still trying not to think about how any woman survives passing a baby through there! I know it stretches A LOT. I'm counting on the epidural to save me from feeling most of it. And I'm hoping I shrink back to my original size -- inside and out -- when it's all over.)

We went swimming again. Might as well try to enjoy the summer sun some of the time. As you can see, I look like an absolute GIANT! The water was refreshing but I seem to feel the cold more than usual. Sometimes I get the chills. I enjoyed just feeling the sun on my big old legs for a bit and watching my sister with her kids in the water. She is my inspiration. It's still hard for me to believe I'm going to be a Mom! It's an incredible blessing and an overwhelming responsibility at the same time. When I see how much my niece and nephew love her and need her I realize how much it means to be a mother -- Mama is God. You are their world, their joy, their teacher, their safe place, their everything.

When May is out of sight, even for a few moments, Reggie is asking where "Mama be?" For much of my life I had been looking for an all-encompassing love. It looks like I've found it because being a mother you experience more love than ever. Of course you lose the ability to have more than a moment to yourself, but the reward is worth it.

My sister has been a godsend for me through this process. Each step of the journey she has been so supportive and nurturing. She reassures me, calms me down, keeps me grounded, makes me laugh. I don't know how I would have gotten through it all without her. My Mom has been there too of course but Mom is a worrier and can stress me out! She drives me crazy sometimes! She checks on me every day to make sure I'm all right. She seemed to think I was going to have my baby early. Now she has to admit she was wrong. If she'd had her way I would have been sitting around carefully avoiding doing anything, with my hospital bag ready. I'm glad I kept busy instead and didn't let the possible onset of labour stop me from going out and doing things. It would have made the last month even harder to get through.

At least I know that tomorrow is it. The day is finally here. No more waiting. My niece asked if I was scared. "Yes." She asked if I was excited. "Yes!" All of the above. This is the biggest day of my life, by far. Everything is about to change. My sister told me that once I see my baby, I will be mesmerized. I won't be able to stop staring at her for quite a while. I will be absolutely overcome. I've been carrying her around so long, talking to her, singing to her, feeling her move, that I feel such a strong bond already. I can't wait to meet her. I know that she will be worth the (even longer than expected!) wait.

I just hope that labour goes relatively smoothly and pain-free...

Wish me luck tomorrow!!!

Fashionably Late...

Well Monday July 23rd was my due date, but baby missed her big debut!

At least my doctor said that my baby girl and I are both very healthy. My blood pressure is good. The baby's heartbeat is good and strong. She's still dancing around in there. Her head is where it needs to be. The doctor told me  I have a "favourable cervix" (Why thank you! No one has ever told me that before. I bet you say that to all your patients!) I wasn't entirely sure what it meant but it's a good thing. It means my body is preparing itself to have the baby. Softening. Ripening. I guess I need to become much more pliable down there so baby can get out. Still, there was no sign that labour was imminent. So it looks like we'll be going for the induction on Monday (my doctor had promised that if my baby didn't come before then she'd induce on the 30th. At least the end is in sight...) She confirmed that that was OK with me. I said the sooner the better. She told me that it's best to let Nature takes its course if possible, so hopefully labour starts on its own before then but as a last resort we'll induce. I am just SOOOO ready for this to be over now. Enough is enough. Why do they call it nine months? It's actually ten months really! I've gone over 40 weeks now.

It definitely feels like something is happening. I've had a lot more pain, for longer intervals. At one point I actually thought "Is this it? Could this be labour?" So much pain and pressure. I felt twice as heavy. It was like the baby was pushing down, trying to come out. But there was no regularity, no intervals. Just solid pain. Nothing I'd read about labour contractions sounded like this. This must just be the body getting ready. I feel so much heavier. It's even harder to walk. My feet are even more swollen and sore. Even my hands and fingers are swelling up.

Most of the time my abdomen feels very firm. Hard. Tight as a drum. Sometimes though, usually when I get up in the morning, it's really soft at the bottom of my stomach. I had heard that your tummy gets soft when you're getting ready for labour. I don't know. Every woman has such a different story of how her labour began that it doesn't really help. Even one woman could have three very different stories of her experiences with her three kids. You just don't know. Until it happens, you don't know how it will be for you.

The due date is kind of a tease. All those months you count down and prepare for that day and then it comes and goes and nothing happens. It's a bit anti-climactic. No other life event would be like that. Then again it is just a guess, really. Not carved in stone. It's just meant to give you a vague idea. Some people have the baby sooner, some (lucky saps like me!) have the baby later. People kept telling me that it's common to go past your due date when it's your first child. How many people actually deliver on their due date I wonder? I like to plan and be prepared. But if this baby has taught me anything, it's that you can't plan and prepare! She is the biggest surprise of my life as it is. I just have to go with the flow and be grateful for this incredible gift, whenever she comes.

I asked the doctor at my last appointment if it was safe to make a long drive. She said go for it. So we went to my baby brother Mike's house over the weekend to celebrate my niece Eve's birthday. I thought my baby  might end up having the same birthday (it seems to happen a lot in our family) but it didn't quite pan out that way. My Mom was worried about me making a long trip in case I went into labour (Mom worries about everything!) I thought, I should be so lucky! Besides from what I understand of labour, especially with your first child, even when it starts it's a long process, a whole day thing so we'd have more than enough time to get to the hospital. If worse came to worst, I could go to the hospital in town. Of course it didn't come to that. The car ride was a bit of an adventure though. My poor sister had hurt her back just before we left so she had a pillow behind her and some ibuprofen for the pain. I had my bum wrist (carpal tunnel in left arm) and big ole 10 month pregnant belly to contend with. It hurts to sit in a car for a long stretch these days and I swear someone needs to invent something to make seatbelts more comfortable for pregnant women because THEY ARE BRUTAL! The pressure on my already stretched out sore abdomen is no picnic. Between the baby camped out headfirst on my bladder/colon and the seatbelt crushing my stomach as well, the pressure to go to the bathroom was intense.

I had to go to the washroom really badly a couple of times during the trip and that proved to be a nightmare. The first time we stopped was at a seedy looking gas station which surprisingly had very accommodating facilities around the back. A toilet that flushed. A sink, soap, paper towels. I was in Heaven. What a relief! The weight of the baby on everything these days is a bit much. Plus it seems like my system is cleaning itself out. I have to run with the runs more often than usual now. (Having suffered from IBS for years, I was no stranger to bathroom blues but it is far worse now that a full sized baby is pushing on the area.) Unfortunately, the next time Nature called, there was nowhere convenient to answer it. We stopped at a convenience store/cafe and I waddled in asking to use their bathroom. The most unfriendly Korean woman on the planet barked at me "No bathroom!" Now I'm pretty sure they have an employee washroom because with nothing else around, she would have to squat behind the store. And I doubt she does that. You would think that seeing a 10 month pregnant woman frantically waddle into your store out of breath might elicit an ounce of compassion. You would be wrong. The next place we stopped was a restaurant with 20 signs posted saying that bathrooms were for customers only. I was willing to take my chances anyway but it was locked. Then we finally found somewhere with an available public bathroom unfortunately the ladies room had a toilet with a broken handle (wouldn't flush), no toilet paper or soap. There was no way I could do what I needed to do (a possibly volcanic #2) under those conditions. I had flashbacks to the scene in "Bridesmaids" where they are trying on dresses in an exclusive boutique and are overcome by the after-effects of food poisoning. Those sorts of things are hilarious (albeit disgusting) in a movie. It's not so funny when it's happening to you. I wasn't about to squat in the street or to leave my mark in an out of order toilet. So I went into the men's bathroom. What's the difference? Just a stick figure on the door not wearing a skirt. The toilet flushed, they had toilet paper and soap so I felt like I'd won the lottery.

We finally made it to my brother's place and had a very nice visit. Though I'm feeling a lot more pressure a lot lower (ironically they call it "lightening" but you feel heavier than ever) it doesn't look like the baby is any lower. My belly looks like it's still up in my ribs. It's very uncomfortable to sit, nearly impossible to walk. My feet are more swollen than ever. I look and feel like an absolute whale. The belly is like an entity. It has taken on a life of its own! I can barely even move with it now.

You have to love kids and their unabashed honesty. Eve informed me that I was "really big!" I had to agree. My precocious nephew James told me that a new baby was going to be a lot of work and that I was going to have to feed my baby "milk from my boobs!" I told him that yes I would. My youngest niece Kayla used me as a large (and I do mean gigantic!) sticker book, placing stickers on my massive belly and swollen legs. She found it quite amusing. I was feeling too weak to protest. I think letting kids walk all over me is good training for having my own little one. She's already completely taken me over and she hasn't even been born yet!

 

Dinner was great, but dessert bordered on a religious experience! My sister in law made the most delicious brownies I have ever tasted in my life. Now I know it's not ideal to be having sugar and all. It's not great for the baby etc. But Hell, at this point, I'm close to 200 lbs. I'm ready to explode. I'm uncomfortable 99% of the time. I think I deserve to indulge now and then. So I couldn't say no to a second helping!

The ride home proved to be quite an adventure as well. The sky darkened, peals of thunder began, bolts of lightning and then rain so thick you could barely see the road. Traffic was backed up and crawling. My Mom was suggesting we stop somewhere. My sister and I informed her why that was the worst possible idea. Why be stranded in some random town? We might as well be making our way home slowly rather than not at all. I suggested the rain might let up as we continued driving. Sometimes I've been caught in heavy rainstorms and drove right past them, the next town would be mysteriously dry without a single drop. Once again of course I did have to stop for a bathroom break. I just can't hold it anymore. There is far too much weight and pressure down there these days with the baby pushing down headfirst on all my plumbing. By the time we got to the highway, the rain had eased up. At least that would be the last long trip I'd ever have to make while pregnant.

People have been calling and emailing to ask about the baby and I've had to tell everyone that no, she hasn't shown up yet. I am anxiously awaiting her. I am also anxious to get my body back, at least to some degree. A few kind people have suggested that I'm carrying the weight well, that it's all baby and water weight and will most likely vanish instantly when I give birth. So here's hoping! One woman with slim little legs, tiny ankles in gold high heeled shoes nearly made me cry. I looked at my cankles and tree trunk legs and shook my head. I was 125 lbs this time last year. It's OK. I will get there again. Maybe...

I can't even believe how heavy I feel right now. Even just since I left the doctor's office. It's like her examining me did something. Now baby is just hanging there, waiting to come out. My belly and legs and feet weigh a million pounds. I can barely move. Maybe I won't need to be induced. Maybe I'll have the baby tomorrow, or the next day. Sometime over the weekend. It's hard to know what to think or what to do. I just have to wait. And at least I know that if nothing else, I will be induced and have my baby on July 30th. I will be a Mommy before August hits!

I have been through a lot over the past nine months. There were many points where I wondered how I would get through. I always found that I was stronger than I thought and that everything would be OK.

As difficult as this late stage is, I know that I will get through it. I know that the end is in sight. And the most important beginning in my lifetime. A whole new adventure. A baby. I'm excited. I'm scared. At this point, I'm mostly just eager to get on with it!

The Nine Month Itch...

I got the nursery furniture on Thursday! My sister and brother in law came with the crib, change table and rocker! I am so grateful to them for giving me these much needed pieces now that little Reggie has outgrown them.

The nursery has been nearly empty for so long, I was excited to have everything here. I couldn't wait to get the room all set up. I filled the shelves, washed and set up the bedding. Then I felt all warm and fuzzy thinking about having my baby girl in her room...

I had decided on furniture placement months ago, before I had anything in the room. Originally I was planning to have the crib under the window as the focal point. I had everything set up in my mind. I did a bit of research however and discovered that when it comes to a baby's room you can't just think of aesthetics. You have to plan for purpose and safety. It's dangerous to have the crib close to a window (I guess for when they get old enough to reach the window and possibly climb out!) It makes sense to have the crib as close to the door as possible so that baby is easy to reach in the middle of the night. (Crying happens, go figure!)

I had decided on an ocean theme very early on. I am obsessed with the ocean and it's a theme in almost my whole house! I painted the room turquoise, did a series of mermaid paintings and looked for oceanic items to fill the room. I was thrilled to get this Lambs & Ivy "Under the Sea" crib bedding set at my shower. It also includes the valance and diaper stacker. The sea theme is rather unique and difficult to find. Most bedding sets out there seem to have animal themes -- Disney, jungle animals, monkeys. There are also birds, bugs, flowers. All cute, but none quite right for baby and me. I was happy as well that I managed to get a cute little clip on musical aquarium for the crib for $5 on Kijiji! I was buying an ocean theme kick and crawl gym (also a steal) and asked if she had any other ocean themed items. She dug out this aquarium for me. It just needed a little TLC. New batteries and a good cleaning. Brand new these things can go for anywhere from $40-75 so it was a real bargain! I've always been a bargain hunter and as a single Mom I'm sure I'll have to be even more creative/resourceful with my purchases. My Mom gave me a poster of tropical fish in Fiji. Aside from my paintings I wanted to have images of real fish in the room. If they weren't so much work I would LOVE to have a real aquarium. Tropical fish are so beautiful and so soothing to watch. I have a DVD called Naked Fish that turns your TV into an aquarium of sorts. But it's not quite the same.

The rocking chair is next to the crib and the bookcase -- again, placed for purpose since I'd be taking baby from the crib to soothe and feed her in the rocker as well as reading her bedtime stories before putting her to bed. I've managed to collect several storybooks already, some even in an ocean theme! I also added little sea theme toys to the shelves. It's so colourful. I got the little bookcase at Walmart. It was quite reasonable and I knew that the wood would match the rest of the furniture.

The change table is placed between the closet and the dresser to be convenient for changing the baby. It has a drawer and shelves for supplies which I've filled with diapers, wipes, baby wash, shampoo, powder, other supplies and toys. I have the beautiful diaper cake my friend made nearby. I don't know if I'll have the heart to dip into it. I have enough diapers to last a while. Maybe if I run out I'll just try to sneak one out here and there without ruining the cake! The IKEA dresser I've had for a while. I got an amazing deal on it on Kijiji. On a tight budget, having furniture donated or finding items really cheap has been a godsend.

I can't believe the nursery is done! It's not like there was a rush really. When I first bring baby home she'll be in the bassinett in my room right next to me for the first couple of months anyway. I was just anxious to see it all finished and for baby to have her own room ready before she arrives. Not that she'd be able to see/appreciate it for a long time anyway!

It's so surreal standing in this bedroom now. The room had already undergone a metamorphosis at the end of last year, before I knew there would ever be a baby. When M, my baby's father had moved in in October, he had insisted on taking over this room as his office. The walls were grey. Given his rather macabre/creepy collection of scorpions and swords and his vampire-like tendency to keep the shade drawn all day, it was a rather dismal room while he inhabited it. It had been my collectibles/guest room before that (Many years ago I used to collect Barbies and bears. Yes my girl will have a lot to play with one day! Though I may try to steer her away from the Bob Mackie designer dolls!) At first I was reluctant to move all my display cabinets and the guest bed to the basement. But I wanted him to feel at home (and being a Scorpio he was controlling, had a spell on me and a tendency to get his way!) I was committed to making it work and I cleared the room for him, as requested (make that demanded! M didn't ask, he told and I complied.) I couldn't have dreamed at the time that it wouldn't stay his room for long (4 months). That he would leave me PREGNANT and that this would become the baby's NURSERY!

Perhaps it was because I was ready, unwittingly, to have a baby. My body was certainly ready! I conceived at lightning speed! I had been closed most of my life. Never fully committed to anyone or anything. Never really let love in completely. Always had one foot out the door. Even in long term relationships spanning several years. I was usually the control freak, used to getting my own way but with M, I surrendered. I gave myself completely. I opened my heart and my home in a way I never had. I was ready to let love in, as unlikely a partner as I'd chosen to do it with! I didn't realize that the love I was giving a space to would be a baby. She truly is the love of my life. I wonder if M had done the math and realized that he'd be losing his office to the baby. Maybe he thought I'd be so wrapped up in the baby that there wouldn't be room, time or energy for him anymore (he was rather demanding, like a baby himself! Again, I guess that was training for me!) If so, he may have been right. The baby is taking over my heart, my life and he would have been in the way. I still can't see how someone could walk away from his own child but perhaps it's different for men. Especially someone like him, with such a tragic past (no father, taken from his mother at 1 year old, bounced around foster homes), he'd gotten used to drifting and not really having a home. I have felt such a strong bond with the baby all along, but then I've been carrying her, feeling her move inside me, going through all the physical and emotional changes of pregnancy. He was somewhat detached from it all. It seemed like he was committed to this and wanted us to be a family in the first few months but then I guess he got scared/overwhelmed and as the first trimester closed, he made his exit. It's OK. Baby and me will be just fine without him. Despite the betrayal and heartbreak he caused me, I am grateful to M for this miraculous gift. If I hadn't met and fallen for him, this baby, this blessing would not exist. Having a child was something I had never imagined or dared to hope for myself but that I now know was always meant to be. It's ironic, after all the long-term relationships I've had, all the men I've loved that this most unlikely of partners/fathers was the one to give me a baby. The biggest (and best) surprise of my life. Life is strange. You can try to plan it but you can't predict what magic may happen to change all your plans and to change you forever.

After they had all the furniture set up in the room, it hit my sister that this was it. Her baby isn't really a baby anymore. He's a toddler now. Saying goodbye to the furniture was like saying farewell to the world of babydom. Considering babies are so much work, you would think it would be a relief to move on but I know a lot of Moms who miss having babies after their children start getting bigger. I guess that's why women are often willing to go through the whole ordeal again and again after their first child. I'm pretty sure (99.9% sure... Mind you, that's how certain I was that I'd never have children at all, so you never know!) this baby will be my ONLY one! I will cherish the time that she's small. I know it goes by so fast.

I don't know if it's just a coincidence but now that the room is complete, I feel ready. I was apprehensive about the big day, nervous about labour, delivery, birth, having a newborn. I was afraid of going early, terrified of my impending due date. I didn't think I was ready. I'm over it! Let's get this show on the road! Though I'm grateful for the experience, I don't think I'll ever miss being pregnant!

I've got the nine month itch. Literally and figuratively. My skin, stretched to capacity is so itchy. The belly and legs are bad enough. For some reason my big old swollen feet are BEYOND UNBEARABLE! I try to resist the urge to scratch but then finally give in and rip the hell out of them. Like any itch, it's Heaven while you're scratching but as soon as you're done, they're on fire. Sore. Raw. And itchier than ever. I've never had anything quite like it. I've never experienced poison ivy. The only comparison I can make would be if I had 10,000 mosquito bites on the tops of my feet. I managed to dig out an old container of Gold Bonds Medicated Powder to dust off my feet trying to relieve the itch. I think it helps a little (like maybe 2%) but the problem is now I'm leaving white footprints everywhere and it looks like my house has been invaded by a giant jelly donut!

I was feeling sad and depleted a week ago (refer to my previous post -- Worrying, waddling, weeping!) but now I have a renewed energy and excitement. I can't wait to have this baby! And I can't wait to be done with all the physical discomforts. Now I'm not so concerned with the pain of labour and nervousness about the baby as I am just focused on the excitement of finally having my baby and getting my body back to normal.

Unfortunately on Friday the doctor told me that it looks like I may go late! The baby's head was a bit lower but she hasn't really dropped yet. So it seems she isn't quite ready. D'oh! I don't want to be late! I asked the doctor, hypothetically, if I did go past my due date, what's the cut-off point. When do they induce? She said generally if it goes over 2 weeks they'll consider induction. TWO WEEKS?! I don't want the baby walking out at 10+ pounds at 42 weeks! She said it depends on my health, the baby's health, the hospital availability etc. Oh dear. This is getting more complicated. I asked if there was anything I could do myself to help things along if need be. She smiled and said "Sex." Uh yeah, that's not possible right now!!! No men in my life for quite some time (not since my baby's father). "Anything else?!" I asked. "MSG," she said. Mmm. Monosodium glutamate. Unhealthy though tasty and addictive little food additive. Bingo! I'm all over that! Chinese food and McDonalds, here I come! "What about dancing?" I asked. "Dance if you like. Do whatever you like but it wouldn't really help. Some people might have their own methods but even if they went into labour there would be no proof that that activity was actually why." Baby will come when she's good and ready. I just hope she's ready on time. Maybe she figures I take my sweet time with all my major life events (Leaving home at 36. Having a baby at 43...) so why rush? Besides, I had been putting out the vibe that I wasn't ready. Now I guess I have to radiate just how ready I am!

My body is preparing itself, I believe. I am getting more of those Braxton Hicks contractions. They used to come just once in a while. Once every couple of days. Then a couple of times each day. Now I seem to get one every hour or two. Sometimes they're more severe. I've started feeling more pressure, lower, very low, (almost like baby's on her way out sometimes!) and getting back pain, which is new. I mean my back is sore if I try to do anything or bend over but now I've had some back aches even when I'm doing nothing. I feel different. I look different too. My belly has gone from round to kind of an oval shape with a point at the bottom. I know from the doctor that that's the baby's head down there. She does feel lower now. Maybe she has moved down a bit after all the activity yesterday.

After my doctor's appointment, I went to visit my sister who had suggested we go swimming. I hadn't been swimming since pregnant and wanted to try going at least once this summer. My mother, who didn't want to go herself ("I couldn't stand being out in that heat!" But that's the best time to go swimming! "And it's too far to the washroom!" Well she did have a point there, but I won't let her know that!) tried to scare me and stop me from going. "You can't go swimming while pregnant! You could get an infection and hurt the baby!" I tried to tell her that I hadn't lost my mucus plug, my water hadn't broken. Baby was safely sealed up in her little biosphere. Besides we were going to a large chlorinated pool, not a contaminated lake. "You'll sink like a stone with your big belly!" Mom warned. Oh brother. I told her that in the water, everyone floats. You could be 400 lbs and still float. She told me to check with the doctor. So I asked. The doctor confirmed what I'd already told Mom. (I should have got the doctor to write me a note -- Dear Mrs. Pincivero -- you are WRONG again!) She said that swimming was a great idea. Good exercise and absolutely safe for baby and me. So there, Mom!

So we went to a local provinicial park with a huge pool. It was my first time swimming this summer. It was quite different squeezing into my tankini this year than changing into my assortment of bikinis last year. The water was very refreshing. Unfortunately the walk from the parking lot to our spot in the shade away from the pool as well as the long walk back and forth to the washrooms, nearly destroyed me. My sister was up ahead pushing the stroller, my niece tried to lag behind a bit to wait for me. I couldn't keep up. Normally I'm a fast walker but while pregnant even walking and breathing are a chore. It was one of the hottest days on record. 37 degrees. About 50 degrees with the humidex (That's 122 degrees fahrenheit for you non-metrics!!!) Yeah. Carrying around the extra weight (and stepping on the doctor's scale earlier was a shock. I have gained more than I thought...) and trying to walk with big swollen legs and balloon feet makes it that much harder. So I had some trouble breathing and felt like I might pass out.

I tried to set up the self-timer to get a photo of us but the timer only gives you 10 seconds and I couldn't waddle over that quickly! I did finally manage to get one. I just had to have my sister and niece standing nearby so I didn't have to cover so much ground in 10 seconds!

They say the camera adds 20 lbs. I think that when you're pregnant it adds an extra 50! I look back at photos from last summer and I can't believe how much bigger I am now. I was hoping I might start to get back in shape in August but from what I've read it looks like you have to wait 6-8 weeks before you can even start an exercise regimen. You have to give the body time to heal and get back to normal. I guess I'll have to aim for next summer. Of course I don't know how much my stretch marks will show. Maybe I'll have to retire my bikinis permanently. I didn't know after all my hard work to get in shape last year that I'd wind up pregnant in the Fall. Baby is worth it of course. I hope she appreciates it! I read that being pregnant actually tears your abdominal muscles and it takes a while for the space to close up. It's like your whole midsection is torn apart and renovated when baby moves in and even when she moves out it takes a while to remodel and refurbish the old digs! Breastfeeding is supposed to help the uterus shrink back to its normal size. Too bad it doesn't automatically do the same to your abs and everything else!

It kills me when I see celebrities that just gave birth and there they are on the beach with a flat tummy almost instantly. Then again they have the advantage of a million dollar budget, staff, nutritionists, personal trainers, not to mention airbrushing, smoke and mirrors!

The water was relatively cold but when the air is that hot you're happy to ease into it. I found it somewhat difficult to tread water and to swim forward on my tummy. It was rather uncomfortable. (I wouldn't want to admit that to my Mom. Though I did not, as she put it "sink like a stone!" I don't go in deep water anyway. I never did, even before I was pregnant. I like to be able to stand and have my head above water.) Floating on my back was relaxing and refreshing. I felt weightless. I looked up at the clouds and for a few moments had a flashback to last summer. It is very different being pregnant. I highly doubt I would ever have another baby. Even if I did I think I would try to arrange NOT to be pregnant during the summer, if at all possible!

The heat really has been a challenge. Just my luck that we're having the hottest summer on record. It's not so bad when it cools down at night at least but sometimes even the sun going down doesn't give you a break from the suffocatingly hot, humid air.

Last night I was so exhausted after swimming that I went to bed super early. I slept in the basement where it was cool. I woke up disoriented at 3 a.m. and came upstairs for something to eat. I ended up starting this blog at 4:30 a.m. I was too awake to sleep (and my powdery itchy feet weren't helping!) but too tired to stay up much longer. I ended up going back to bed and leaving the blog to finish today, Saturday. I wasn't sure whether to head back to the basement, crash on the couch (there was a nice breeze on the main floor but it didn't seem to reach the upper floor) or go try my own bed upstairs, in the hot zone. I finally settled on going up to my own bed. It's the only place I can ever seem to sleep properly. It was a bit warmer but did cool down somewhat and the fan next to me made it bearable. I even managed to sleep in today so I'm quite well rested now but I probably needed it!

I'm ready. Nursery done. Carseat installed (and I even got special little mirrors for the car so I can still see baby's face in the rear-facing seat.) Hospital bag packed. Stomach (feet and everything else) stretched beyond comprehension. The only thing that wasn't ready was me, mentally/emotionally. I was nervous about the pain of labour and scared by the prospect of being a Mom to a newborn. I'm over it. Hell yeah, I'm ready! Bring it on!

Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe the itchy feet and other discomforts are just to give you that push to motivate you past the fears and make you eager to face the most painful, difficult experience in life (labour!) To make you think, enough already, let's get this over with! I can't believe just a week ago I was telling people that I wasn't ready yet. What a donut I was! A powdered, jelly filled donut. I've actually now resorted to Penaten cream for my itchy feet because I was tearing them apart with my nails. Good old zinc oxide. It is soothing. And it keeps you from scratching because you don't want that white cream under your nails. Do you have any idea how sticky that stuff is?! It's almost impossible to wash off! I couldn't get it off my hands. Had to lather up several times, washing vigorously. How do you ever get it off a baby's butt when you use it for diaper rash? I guess it just stays there until the toddler years...

Today, I'm just taking it easy. Putting up my tired, sore, red, bloated, itchy as Hell feet. I got more than enough exercise yesterday. They talk about a "walk in the park" as though it's easy but when you're pregnant that walk in the park in blistering heat is like running a 50K marathon, after you've been hit by a bus and while wearing a suit that weighs 1,000 lbs. I think I also neglected to mention that the public washrooms are on a hill and our spot under the shade of a tree was also on a hill at the opposite end of the park. The pool was the valley in the middle where I could relax and get refreshed between my arduous uphill climbs. Hauling my big ole belly back and forth up one hill and the other was frustrating and exhausting, a little like Sisyphus (in Greek mythology) rolling the boulder up the hill just to have it roll back down again and again.

Anyway, I'm babbling! This was supposed to be a short post about the nursery and wound up being another long one. I may not be able to ramble like this in future posts. I'm soon going to have so much on my plate I don't know how I'll find the time. I imagine after the baby it will really be a challenge. I'll just have to jot down a few thoughts when I catch a minute here and there. Then again they say newborns sleep 16 hours a day. Of course, not all at once. This blog is like a diary and helps me through my journey so I definitely want to keep at it. And I'm sure I'll have a lot to say about my baby adventures!

This nine months has flown by. I've gone through such a range of experiences and emotions to get me here. Now this journey is ending and a new one, the biggest, most exciting adventure of my life, is about to begin. I'm ready when you are, baby! I'm anxious to meet you! Won't be long now (I hope!)

What should we have for dinner tonight? Something healthy for you little girl (salad, asparagus, fresh fruit) and then a treat for Mama. I've got a craving for MSG!