One Hot Mama!

Now that I'm a Mom, I'm feeling hotter than ever. Temperature-wise, that is.

Before becoming pregnant, I was always cold. I hated the winter. I loved the heat of the summer. Everywhere I went I always seemed to feel a chill. During the fall and winter, I would bundle up and still feel the cold. In the summer when I'd go somewhere air-conditioned, I'd freeze. At work they had it so cold I had to have a space heater going under my desk so I didn't turn blue. When I visited my Mom I had to wear an extra layer or two of clothes. (She keeps her house FREEZING!)

Late in my pregnancy, I started feeling the heat but that was no surprise since I was carrying an extra 70 lbs and it was the middle of summer. Now that I've had the baby however, my thermostat seems to have gone up even higher. We're into Fall now and yet I'm sweating. At least it's saving me on heating. I didn't turn my furnace on until we were well into October and even with it on I keep it low anyway. It barely turns on. The fleece pjs that I used to love I now can't even wear because I sweat in them after a couple of minutes. I used to love turtlenecks. Now I can't stand them. They suffocate me. I try to wear mostly low-cut crisscross tops that are easy to pull down for breastfeeding anyway.

When I'm carrying Michelle around I figure that it makes sense for me to feel warm. After all, walking and dancing around carrying 12 lbs constantly is a bit of a workout but even when I'm not carrying her, my temperature still seems to be out of whack. I'll go out for a walk with Michelle and think "Wow, I can't believe how warm it is today!" It's bright and sunny. It seems like a spring day. Never mind that the leaves are orange and falling and we're halfway through October. It might be an Indian Summer. Then I look around at other people. They're in WINTER COATS! One woman even had gloves on and I'm perspiring in a light sweater with the sleeves rolled up! What the?! I wanted to take off my sweater and just wear the tank top. It's like I'm on another planet. Mars maybe. I hear it's warm on Mars.

Of course my Mom is in her glory because she always found it too warm and keeps her house so cold that you could hang meat. In the winter, she just doesn't turn the furnace on. In the summer, she has the air conditioning blasting. Whenever I complained about the cold she'd say "One day you'll go into menopause and have hot flashes and you'll understand!" So now she's saying "I told you so!" Seeing me sweating at my sister's house, taking my sweater off and saying "It's an oven in here!" makes her smile. Of course my sister keeps her house at a normal, cozy temperature. I used to love it. But these days it's too hot to handle. The light streams in the patio doors of her kitchen and it's like being on the surface of the sun! I guess that's why they say if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. I look around at my Mom, May and Shannon. They're all in long sleeved tops and acting normal. I'm in a sleeveless top, panting and wiping my brow.

My mother tried to tell me that I was going through menopause. I rolled my eyes. "I'm pretty sure that's impossible right now!" Now, I'm no doctor, but I'm fairly certain that you can't go through MENOPAUSE  while you're BREASTFEEDING! I think that one would have to cancel the other out. I had my doctor confirm it, just so I could tell my mother she was being ridiculous. I think the doctor even rolled her eyes too when I asked. The doctor suggested my recent heat wave could be because of the hormones associated with breastfeeding and also from breastfeeding itself. It's like my body has it's own little furnace working overtime. The body exerts itself to produce milk so it's like I'm getting a workout all the time (if only I could lose this tummy flab in the process!) You burn 500-700 calories a day while breastfeeding. That's a pretty intense workout. I think that's what you lose doing the 30 day shred too. Heaven knows when I'll get around to that.

I Googled it and sure enough, other breastfeeding women have gone through the same thing. Hot flashes are common because of the hormones. So I'm not from Mars after all. It's just such a strange experience for me when I'm used to always being colder than everyone else to now constantly feel hotter. It's not that big of a deal. I just dress lighter. At least it's not summer. It can be embarassing sometimes when I'm out though and everyone else just looks comfortable and I'm burning up, my pits drenched, my forehead shining. I remember one woman I worked with was having hot flashes. Her face was red and her blouse was sticking to her. I felt bad for her but I couldn't relate to it. I was shivering and pulling my sleeves down over my hands. They finally gave us fans and heaters for our cubicles so we could create our own little microclimates in the office because some of us were too hot and others too cold. There was no happy medium.

When Michelle was a newborn people were telling me I had to keep her bundled up because babies are used to heat after being in the womb. Aside from when you very first bring them home however, babies shouldn't be any more bundled up than we are. I have to be careful with Michelle not to dress her too lightly though. She probably doesn't feel the heat like me. I've noticed she can get pretty hot when she cries though. After a good bout of screaming her face is red and feels warm to the touch. We had a nightmarish car ride home the other night where she screamed almost the entire way. Her poor little face was red as a beet. I tried to explain that there wasn't anything I could do while driving on the 401 but it didn't help. I couldn't pacify her with singing or crinkling sounds. I finally just put pieces of Kleenex in my ears. Overall though she has been behaving better.

She was such a good girl at her doctor's appointment which was a huge relief. I told the doctor that she's good half the time which is an improvement over the beginning when it seemed she had more bad days than good. It's 50/50 now. There were times before when she would cry inconsolably. Now she is usually consolable. You just have to find out what it is she wants after a process of deduction. (Incidentally she was screaming in the car because she needed to be changed but I didn't know that at the time and couldn't have changed her while driving on the highway anyway!) The doctor said she looked very healthy. She's gained another pound and even grew 2 inches in the past month! I thought she'd gotten taller/longer because now when she's on the change table she can reach the container of baby wipes at the foot of the table and kick it. Now when I see the doctor it's for Michelle. I'm just an afterthought. Sometimes I will ask her about health problems I'm having but she never seems concerned. Michelle is the priority. I didn't know there would be so many appointments. I'm nervous about her going for her needles again too. I didn't realize how often they have to get them.

I have been avoiding starting my Jillian Michaels workout. Partly because I'm terrified of it and partly because it's very hard to find the time or the space now with Michelle in the picture. I remember I used to sweat buckets doing the exercises so it may actually kill me now!

Sometimes my Mom drives me crazy. I don't think a day goes by that she doesn't say something to worry and/or offend me. But I love her anyway. When she calls I put her on speaker phone because it's easier than trying to hold the phone. Michelle always reacts to her voice. The other day I gave Michelle the phone and she was smiling and laughing at Grandma. Sometimes you have to laugh at the things she comes off with. I could be hurt by her suggesting I'm menopausal or trying to make me feel old or I could just smile and shake my head. I don't feel old. 40 is the new 30 anyway and Michelle is keeping me young.

Despite the hot flashes there are advantages to breastfeeding (aside from the obvious -- a bonding experience with the baby as well as nutritious, free milk that saves me from buying formula). I haven't had a period and I hear that they may not return until I start to wean the baby. That's something to look forward to with menopause as well, despite the uncomfortable symptoms. No more messy, painful, annoying periods. (Though I'm curious whether they'd be painful anymore. After giving birth to a 9 lb 4 ounce baby I'm pretty sure things would have loosened up in there so I shouldn't feel so much pressure at that time of month!)

So I used to be too cold and now I'm too hot. It's OK. Maybe one day things will be "just right." I have a stack of turtlenecks I may never wear again but I'm reluctant to get rid of them just in case. I'm holding on to my skinny jeans too, just in case. They may fit me again one day. Who knows?

I used to dream of living on a tropical island. These days with my hot flashes, living under the blazing sun might kill me. Though I imagine if I could afford to live in paradise I could afford to have an air-conditioned home anyway. And there would always be the ocean to cool off in. The problem with living by the ocean is that there are so many tropical storms. Hurricanes. Tsunamis. We're pretty safe where we are here in Canada. Right now with my new elevated temperature, a colder climate doesn't seem so bad. I drive with my windows rolled down and it's refreshing (though everyone else has theirs rolled up.) I always make sure Michelle is bundled up in her stroller blanket. I go out without a jacket most of the time. I don't even need a jacket at my Mom's house (aka the meat locker) anymore. I never thought I'd see the day. Sometimes the car is an oven after sitting in the sun. The last couple of days have been cold and rainy. My Mom was going on about Hurricane Sandy. I don't think it's supposed to affect us much up here. I don't watch the news so I just hear about the latest catastrophes from Mom (which is possibly even worse!)

It's strange. My life bears almost no resemblance to what it once was. Everything is different. Me especially. You just never know what life has in store for you or how you might change. Emotionally, physically, mentally. You think you know who you are and what you want but life is dynamic not static. You learn. You adapt. You surprise yourself. Life is a journey of discovery and you're never done. You never have all the answers. Embrace each stage of life that you go through. Celebrate the highs and endure the lows. I have transformed more in the past year than ever in my life. I'm happier now than I was at any other time. Even on my most difficult days, the love that I feel and the sense of purpose that I feel as a mother makes it all worth it. They say not to sweat the small stuff. Even sweating is small stuff! I'll just dress lightly and turn the heat down. This too shall pass. At least I'm not too cold. Maybe I'll even learn to love winter.

A Hot Mess!

Well it was the first official day of Summer and it was HOT. Record-breaking hot. 40 degrees Celsius (104 Fahrenheit). Over 45 with the humidex. Normally I don't mind the heat. Last Summer I would have been in a bikini, heading to the beach. This year, I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. The idea of wearing a bikini isn't too appealing. And long road trips aren't as fun now that I'm not driving my convertible (which incidentally I still have to sell! Please let me know if you're in the market for a nearly new Mazda MX5!) and my feet and legs are blown up like balloons making driving uncomfortable at all.

It's tough to stay cool. I don't have air-conditioning. Luckily I have a big tower oscillating fan. It is a life-saver. Last night I tried to sleep in the basement but I just lay there for hours so I finally went up to my bedroom, with my big fan next to me and the window open. Thankfully the air had cooled down somewhat and I got a little sleep.

It's not easy. I've heard the second trimester of pregnancy referred to as the honeymoon phase and it was pretty good overall. Well the honeymoon is over! I'm at 35 weeks and I'm a hot mess! The heat certainly isn't helping but it's not all I have to deal with these days. I've been overly emotional, weepy, irritable. I hung up on my mother a couple of times (she's a worrier and can be very negative. I just can't deal with it when I'm already stressed and going through enough.) I still have to sell my car which is a big stress. Finances are a stress. Impending labour is a stress. The biggest change in my life, the unknown is a stress. Not to mention what I'm going through physically.

Whether it's the pregnancy hormones, the stress or the heat or a combination of all three, my skin has been erupting in bumps like never before. I have a whole whack of new skin tags. I've read they are common in pregnancy and are harmless, they're just a nuisance. They have an over the counter solution you can use to remove them but I wouldn't be able to use it during pregnancy. So I'm stuck with them for now. On top of that I'm getting other sore bumps here and there. Pimples and blisters and boils, oh my! It's no wonder my skin gets irritated given that I'm overflowing with hormones, carrying so much extra weight, have developed new folds here and there, am sweating profusely. I have a painful bump on my inner thigh which gets rubbed every time I walk because my legs touch now. I tried to put cream and a bandage on it but it doesn't stay because of the rubbing and the sweat. The only way I can keep my legs from touching is to try to walk bowl-legged which of course looks ridiculous. There are fewer and fewer clothes that fit me now and some of the things I was anxious to wear I am now apparently allergic to. My skin is so itchy (particularly my chest) that I can't stand anything against it that isn't soft cotton. I'm wondering now if a lot of the tops have nylon in them and I'm allergic to nylon. Not all of them have labels to tell you what the fabric is. They never bothered me before but my skin is different now. It seems my skin, and me, are much more sensitive these days.

Sometimes it's just overwhelming. Yesterday I just went down to the basement, curled into a ball and cried. My cat, Ali came to comfort me. She was so sweet. She even let out the cutest little cry. It's a sound I've never heard her make before. It's like she understands. She purred and snuggled up next to me until I felt better. Sometimes a good cry is all you need. Just a release. And I know a lot of it is hormones. I did some reading online and everything I was going through (the stress and the tears and the bumps) was all normal. That helps somewhat.

I met a friend for brunch today which was nice and then did a bit of shopping. When I waddled into one store from outside the clerk shook her head and smiled at me "You poor thing. You must REALLY be feeling this heat." "Oh yeah. And I don't have A/C at home."

In another store the cashier said "Pregnant in the Summer? You didn't plan that very well!"
"Honey I didn't plan it at all! Biggest surprise of my life!"

I was walking back to my car and was worried I would spontaneously combust so I ducked into a furnishings store just to get a breath of refreshing conditioned air. I guess my breathing had them a little worried and they asked me to sit down. It was a relief to sink into a soft chair in the cool store. "Ahhhh." The problem was it was hard to get up afterward!

Carrying this belly around is the biggest challenge. I have a hard time getting up. It's almost impossible to bend over. I have trouble breathing. Climbing the stairs is rough. I swear there are more stairs now somehow. Baby Michelle is moving much more aggressively. It's kind of fun to watch but sometimes I worry she's going to put a fist through my belly or just walk out of me when she's kicks really low.

I've reached a number on the scale that I never thought I would see in my lifetime. I know it's only temporary but it is still rather surreal. I try to keep my sense of humour about it. I'm thinking of learning to speak whale. (If you don't know Dory from "Finding Nemo" this won't really make much sense to you!)

Speaking of whales, I love this little Whale nightlight I got from the people at work! I had been wanting to find a sea theme nightlight for the nursery and didn't have much luck. This one is just perfect!

I also love this pink stuffed whale they gave me. She even plays music. I can't resist when I see any cute fish themed items to add to the nursery. I'm glad that people were paying attention and found some more ocean treasures for me.

I'm happy with the nursery. I can't wait to have the furniture (when my brother in law brings the crib, rocker and change table in his truck) and see it finished.

Of course I was obsessed with the ocean long before I started decorating the nursery. My Mom asked if my dreams of living on a tropical island were gone after suffering through this heat. I said no of course not. I won't always be pregnant (actually I would venture to say that I will likely NEVER be pregnant again! This miracle baby is my first, last and only. Unless I meet the most incredible man on Earth and love him so much that I'm willing and/or insane enough to attempt it again if he had his heart set on a child. Did I really just say that?! OK. It is HIGHLY UNLIKELY. But if there's one thing I've learned about life it's that it surprises you. My experiences in the past nine months have all been highly unlikely and against the odds, but here I sit. You just never know!) Anyway, no Mom I am not giving up on the whole island thing. I would still love it. Besides if I lived right near the ocean, the heat wouldn't be such a problem. I'd jump in right now! I suppose I could still drive to the beach here though there isn't one all that close. I should hit the beach at least once while pregnant. Just for kicks. I have a tankini that accommodates the belly... 

I used the heat as an excuse to go for an Oreo McFlurry. I just couldn't resist. My Mom suggested I have popsicles on hand to cool me down. I found these ones that are supposed to have real fruit juice in them, so presumably a little healthier. They're pretty good. Very refreshing. I'm not a big fan of plain water but I have been drinking more ice water. I have to stay hydrated when I'm sweating so much. I like water with a little lemon. Lemonade is delicious but loaded with sugar of course. I do love my sugar but I try to get my fix through fruit. I ate a bunch of grapes, an apple and some cold, sweet local strawberries to die for. 

I had almost forgotten I had these gel slippers hiding in the back of the fridge. The cool only lasts a couple of minutes but it's a nice treat for my hot, bloated feet for those minutes let me tell you! With the weight of my belly on top of the heat, my feet are blown up more than ever. So puffy they look like they're going to explode. I almost laugh when I see them. They don't even look like my feet. They look like the feet of a 400 lb man! Even elevating them doesn't seem to help. (Not that I put my feet up too often. I should be taking it easy but I usually don't. I always think of something else I should do.)

 

Another trick to stay cool is keeping my pjs in the freezer. Like the gel slippers, the cold only lasts a minute but it's soooooo refreshing for those brief moments it's worth it.

I'm starting to get a little tired so I think I'll grab my jammies from the icebox and hit the hay! At least the air outside is a bit cooler so I should be all right with the window open and my biggest fan next to me (one of my exes referred to himself as my biggest fan. He was pretty cool. He oscillated too. But it was never easy to sleep next to him...) 

They're calling for a thunderstorm tomorrow. I sure hope we get it. The lawn and garden need a drink. It would be a relief for me too. I think I'd almost be tempted to dance in the rain at this point. Then it's supposed to cool down on the weekend and next week it's going to go down to 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit) which will be a nice break.

Despite some of the physical (mental and emotional) discomforts, I know that I'm very lucky to have had a healthy pregnancy and that everything has been pretty normal throughout. Being pregnant is a unique adventure. It is a gift. After all, I'm carrying a baby in this big ole belly! How amazing is that? It's all going to be more than worth it once I hold my baby in my arms. I know that I can look forward to future Summers at the beach, my little girl and me. And I may even look back a little wistfully at the Summer when I was pregnant. Especially since it will (probably) never happen again.