Go Elf Yourself!

Though "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" always makes me laugh and I love the classic animated features like "The Grinch that Stole Christmas" and "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer," I think my very favourite Christmas movie has to be "Elf." Will Ferrell is absolutely hilarious. He's funny in every movie he's in but there's something especially comical about a grown man (a tall one at that) dressed in an elf suit. As silly as it is, Elf's wide-eyed innocence and optimism is touching. He's just a sweet misguided man (who acts like a little boy) looking for love from his jaded estranged father and teaching everyone around him about Christmas spirit in the process. It always makes me cry. I'm a sentimental fool. I can't help it. It's genetic.

Anyone who wants to see him or herself as an elf can visit the Office Max "Elf Yourself" website (if you click on the links to my videos you will see a "Create your own" button on the page. To date, hundreds of millions of elves have been created on the site.) I remember seeing it for the first time years ago at work. Someone had sent me the link in an email. Last year my brother sent one in an email with his whole family as dancing elves. It's good for a laugh and only takes a minute to do.

This year I couldn't resist "elving" Michelle and I. She doesn't give me a lot of time to do things these days. She's been a night owl lately up until 2 a.m. sometimes and by then I'm too tired to do anything. So I've started trying to do some things while she's awake -- including checking my email etc in the afternoon. I managed to make the elf videos with her on my lap. It took less than a minute to upload the photos and resize them for the elf bodies. When I played the elf video she seemed to enjoy it.

Here are Michelle and I as dancing elves in the classic Christmas video singing "We wish you a Merry Christmas!" (note -- apparently these videos only work until January. I guess after then the link won't work so I took a photo of the screen as a souvenir, as you can see!)

http://host-d.oddcast.com/elfyourself2012/?mId=45326860.3

Here's the "Soul" Christmas video, starring Michelle and me:

http://host-d.oddcast.com/elfyourself2012/?mId=45326730.3

It's funny seeing Michelle as a dancing elf. It's kind of eerie. She can't even stand yet, much less walk or dance.




She did stand for two seconds on her own the other night though. I had my hands waiting on either side of her to catch her if she collapsed. I was amazed when I let go for a second that she was actually sturdy enough to stand on her own at ONLY FOUR MONTHS OLD! It's actually kind of scary. She will be crawling soon, standing, walking. There are probably a million things I'm going to have to change and childproof once she's on the move. I'm not sure what I'll do. I've heard of people hiring an expert to come into the house and tell them all the hazards they need to address so the house is safe for the baby. I'd be scared they'd tell me to get rid of everything I own!

I've already made some changes -- like trading my glass and chrome coffee table for a more practical leather storage ottoman (filled with toys). I know about childproof doorknobs and clips for the cupboards. I have packs of outlet covers. I have baby gates, including one I'll have to screw into the wall at the top of the stairs. A friend told me I'd have to get rid of my books in the living room. I'm not doing that. I just hope she isn't tempted by them. She'll have her own books and toys and I don't think mine will entice her. I will have to find another home for the breakables (glass sculptures and vases) that are on the shelves of course. One time when my brother's family was visiting my niece broke a decorative plate (with a painting of St Peter's in Rome on it) that was in my kitchen. I have a collection of Eiffel Towers as well on my credenza. My kitchen houses my Europe collection -- I backpacked in Europe with a boyfriend in 1993 and became obsessed with collecting memorabilia of the places we went -- including London, Paris, Rome, Florence, Venice, Munich -- once we got back home. I couldn't buy souvenirs while we were there since we had to carry everything on our backs. A shopoholic who can't buy souvenirs?! It was torture! So I made up for it by collecting souvenirs at flea markets, etc. It was kind of strange when we got back actually because I kept seeing the places we went -- Neuschwanstein castle in Bavaria, Germany was suddenly on collector plates, calendars and books. The Eiffel Tower was everywhere. My souvenirs are part of what makes my house a home. They are pieces of me, the life that I have lived so far. I really don't want to pack them all away. Of course Michelle is the most important thing in my life now. She is my present and my future but I don't want to have to trash my past. So many wonderful memories. In any event, I figure I'm safe for a few more months at least so I won't worry about it yet. Maybe I'll get lucky and she will understand that certain things are "off limits" or she'll be satisfied with her own plethora of toys and leave my trinkets alone. I can only hope.

Michelle is a lot of fun. She helps me to get in touch with my inner child and my inner silly elf! I've always wanted to find someone that I could be myself with. Some of my boyfriends appreciated my weird sense of humour but with Michelle I get to explore my silly side more than ever. It's my life's mission to keep her smiling and to make her laugh so I do whatever it takes. If anyone else heard or saw me they'd probably think I was nuts with my high pitched cute voices and silly songs (like singing "She did a poo," while I'm changing her, to the tune of "Definition" -- it was a game show in the 70s-80s. I think they used it in Austin Powers actually and a rap artist did a rap version of it as well. Anyway, it's quite ridiculous. I don't know why I do it. It just puts a positive spin on changing a diaper full of orange/green goop and she seems to get a kick out of it.) I have to be careful when I'm out with her to tone it down a little so that people don't think I'm completely bonkers. At home it's just her and I, and Ali so there's no one to say "You're weird!" Maybe once she can talk...

Michelle

I may not be in a band anymore but I'm rocking more than ever! Of course now it's rocking the baby. She loves rocking and rolling, having me dance around with her in my arms, sing to her etc. She also likes when I play guitar though I haven't been doing so that much these days. I wrote her a new song and played it for her. She seemed to like it. I've missed songwriting. An avid songwriter, I've penned close to 800 songs. Last year I was writing and posting an original song every day on Youtube. I kept it up for the whole year. It was difficult but I didn't have a baby at the time. It would be impossible to keep that up now! I wanted to do a special song and video for Michelle. I wrote her several songs while I was pregnant but it's more difficult now to find the time to write and record. I finally managed to put together a video for her. The song is called "Michelle" and the video features some of the photos I've taken so far (yes, I'm a photoholic!) Just click on the link above. 

Michelle has taken over my life completely. Most of the things that used to occupy my time are now pretty much non-existent. She is pretty demanding, even more so than the average baby. There isn't much time for anything else. But it's funny how things that used to seem so important don't matter that much anymore. She has given my life more meaning and purpose than I've ever had. Nothing else compares to her. Nothing else could be as important as she is to me. It's amazing how much you can change. You think you know yourself until you find yourself in different circumstances and somehow you discover who you really are. Your priorities and dreams alter.

I used to spend a lot of time gardening. Now the poor garden is overrun with weeds because I haven't been able to tend to it since having the baby. One day after taking Michelle for a walk I thought I'd try to sneak into the backyard with her. She was asleep in the carseat. The sun was behind the clouds and there was a nice shade to sit her in safely. I thought I'll just pull some of the biggest, most obnoxious weeds quickly while she sleeps. I got out my garden gloves and shears. I had barely pulled my first weed when I heard "Waaaaa!" She was up. Sigh. I did finally manage to steal about 15 minutes while she was napping later and ripped out weeds like a fiend. I had never moved so fast in my life. It was a big improvement. I'll just have to chip away at it a bit at a time. It seems like a gargantuan task but if you break it down it's not so bad. Some of the weeds can pass as wildflowers. At least the perennials are still there beneath the weeds. I was pleased to see my favourite flower, the hibiscus (a hardy hibiscus actually, Rose of Sharon) in bloom. When I planted my tropical (very high maintenance) garden I couldn't possibly have imagined that I'd be having a (very high maintenance) baby a couple of years later and not be able to keep it up. You just never know what the future may hold.

I got a two-seater convertible a couple of years ago not knowing I was going to wind up having a baby. I loved that car. I had some amazing experiences in it. Driving to Florida last year was one of the best. Now I haven't driven it in almost a year. It wasn't a practical car for the baby and I started driving a sedan instead. I tried to sell the Miata but couldn't find a buyer (the only offers I had were so low I wouldn't have just been giving the car away, I'd actually be paying someone to buy it since it was financed and I'd have to make up the difference to pay back what was owing on it) so I've had it built into my mortgage. I figure if I find a buyer then great and if I don't, I'll keep the car and one day my girl and me will make a road trip to Cali when she's old enough. At least I don't have those car payments every month which were killing me!

Art is something else I don't really have time for anymore. I did the paintings for the nursery while I was pregnant but haven't done any painting since having the baby. It would be difficult. It can be messy and time-consuming and I'd hate to have paint on my hands and have the baby cry. I did do a little touch up to one of the paintings though. I added some copper hair to the baby in one of the mermaid paintings so it looks more like Michelle! (The baby was bald before.) The painting over the change table seems to be Michelle's favourite, she smiles and coos at it each time I'm changing her.

Last summer I spent most of my time at the beach. This summer I went a couple of times while I was pregnant but going to the beach with the baby would have been impossible. I had enough bikinis to wear a different one every day. Now I don't know if I'll be wearing them ever again. Though I've lost 45 lbs so far I still have my "mommy tummy." It's kind of loose and flabby. Not to mention the stretch marks. Though I am going to start doing yoga and the 30 day shred again, my doctor told me I will likely NEVER get my flat stomach back. She said it'll never be quite the same. She also said that although they'll fade (they won't always be purple) the stretch marks will never disappear. And those stretch mark creams don't really do anything. "But you have a beautiful baby girl and she's worth it!" she added. She's right. Michelle is worth it. I am going to try to get my tummy back though if I can. When I got down to my goal weight last year (125 lbs) I had no idea I'd wind up pregnant and get up to 190 lbs by July of this year. I'm down to 145 now but I have a feeling that last 20 lbs will be the hardest to lose.

I used to love going out dancing in nightclubs. It was how I met most of my boyfriends too. Now I dance around the house with the baby to entertain her and rock her to sleep. Before getting pregnant (and being abandoned by her father) I always had a boyfriend and when I didn't have one, I was dating and searching for one. Now I have no interest in men and no opportunity to meet them anyway. It doesn't feel like anything is missing in my life though. I always used to feel like I needed a man. Now the love that I have for Michelle is so consuming that I know I don't need a man. Still I'm not ruling out the possibility of romance again one day in the future, but he'd have to be an exceptional man (trustworthy, kind, caring, funny, strong, sensitive) and an incredible father to Michelle. He'd have to be worthy of her. I don't know if such a man exists. Ironically her own father was the most unworthy man on the planet. I can't entirely despise him because he unwittingly gave me the greatest gift of my life. And part of me wants to believe he wasn't all bad, that he knew we were better off without him, that it broke his heart to leave but he knew it was for the best.

My life is now devoted to caring for the baby. Though there are many things I've given up, it doesn't feel like a sacrifice. I am more fulfilled and happier now than I've ever been. I feel more love than I ever felt possible. The days fly by. I never get bored. It's always an adventure. And there's so much to look forward to. I can't wait until she can play. Right now she doesn't have much interest in toys though I keep trying to introduce them to her. I even found a new way to put her to sleep -- just by boring her! I went through the toy box (the ottoman in the living room which is filled with toys, mostly from my sister) and introduced her to each toy. I would take each one out, tell her what it was, what it could do, describe the colours and textures and features. There are some really cool ones -- Lamaze toys with various patterns and shapes and colours and squeaks and crinkles. When I looked down at her I saw that her eyes were closed and she was sound asleep. I don't know if any of my rambling is getting through but I figure it can't hurt. She is cooing and making cute noises more than ever. Some of them almost sound like words. She even laughed in her sleep which was just about the coolest thing I've ever seen/heard! She holds her head up pretty well when I have tummy time with her and she straightens her legs so much that she can almost stand (with me holding her of course!) on my lap. I will enjoy every step of this journey, watching her grow.

Life before her is like a distant dream. The things I thought were so important fade into the background. She is my life now. She is everything to me. She is my beauty, my sunshine, my flower, my song, my dance, my love, my dream, my hope, my present and future. The best moments of my life are the ones I spend with her. I wouldn't trade this for the world.