Tuesday, May 22, 2012
The Bachelorette Emily, Single Mom
It's tough enough to meet someone worthwhile, never mind when you're a single Mom. Finding someone worthy of your child, who would make a good father as well as a good partner for you is no easy task. Even finding the time to date while you're trying to raise a child can be a challenge. So Emily went years alone as a single Mom without a relationship. She went on The Bachelor looking for love. And found it.
"But he loves her! I can tell!" I insisted.
I was right. He picked Emily. Out of 25 women, he had fallen in love with her. He proposed to her and she said yes. They made a beautiful couple. It seemed like the perfect fairytale come true.
But there was trouble in paradise...All that glittered was not gold. For whatever reasons, it didn't work out and the couple broke off their engagement. I heard that it was largely because Brad was unwilling or unable to offer the kind of stability Emily needed for her daughter. It sounded as though he expected Emily and her daughter to just uproot and come to him at his whim. It also seemed that he was unprepared for the responsibilities of being a father, that he wanted Emily to himself, wanted to go away on last minute vacations, have the sort of carefree, spontaneous life you would as a single person, not a possibility for a loving Mom. Your child comes first. So they went their separate ways.
Being a single Mom, Emily's daughter was her whole life and kept her busy. She was happy and had a lot of fun with Ricki. Of course your child means the world to you but it can still be tough as a parent on your own and deep down she really wanted a family. To share her life with a loving partner and have a family together, with more children. Emily confessed that she got lonely after Ricki went to bed at 7 pm at night. At night can be the most difficult. You miss having someone next to you. Those are the times that you wish you had a companion, a partner, a romantic love relationship. Emily is a knockout and a sweet girl. Naturally she had no problem attracting men, the problem was finding the right one. That's the toughest thing as a single Mom -- meeting a good man that you feel a connection with, a man who wants a family and is able to love your child as his own. A man might be drawn to her beauty, but would he be ready for the responsibility of being a father as well?
And so for the first time in the show's history, the Bachelorette is a single Mom. I think it's awesome. It's a sign of the times. There are a lot of single parents out there, each with their own story. Emily's tragic story is rather unique (a widow who discovers she's pregnant after she's lost her love). Others are single Moms as a result of divorce, some are single Moms by choice (either adopting or having IVF via a sperm donor). Others, like myself, become single Moms unexpectedly. I didn't plan to get pregnant to a man I'd only been dating a month. He originally promised to stick around but I guess he changed his mind about being a father because he disappeared when I was four months pregnant. No matter what their stories, the fact remains, there are a lot of us out there. While I believe it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, ideally many of us would like to raise a child as a family with two loving parents. The challenge is finding that worthy father figure. Plenty of fish in the sea, as the saying goes, but a lot of them sharks. When you have a child to think about, you have to be even more selective.
One of the bachelors actually told Emily that her being a single Mom was one of the most attractive things about her because it proved that she was strong, independent and capable of unconditional love. That was great to hear. A man who has been raised by a single Mom especially seems to have a deep respect, admiration and sense of protectiveness of other single Moms. So single Moms raise sweet, sensitive men, which frankly the world needs more of! One of the sweetest men I ever dated came from a single Mom household. His father was an alcoholic and left them. He was very protective of his Mom. Growing up in a house of women, his Mom and sister, gave him a unique understanding of women and respect for them.