This is a huge milestone for me. I'm embarking on a journey, an adventure like no other. I'm having a baby! I'm going to be a mother. Something I had never imagined for myself. There are so many unknowns. As a recovering control freak, it's scary to me. I'm someone that likes to know what I'm doing and feel in control. This is so new to me. I'm nervous. I want to be a great mother. I'm afraid to make mistakes but I know that no matter how much you read or how much advice you get from other moms, the real learning comes from doing. I won't fully know what to do until I do it, until I get my baby home and she teaches me how to be a Mom. I will go from being a nervous novice to a seasoned pro in no time. I am excited. It's just such an overwhelming responsibility. There has been nothing in my life so far that compares.
It's just as well that I am done at work because I don't know how much longer I could have lasted. It was getting increasingly tough. Waddling up the stairs, short of breath to get to the office, working 12 hour shifts on limited sleep, sitting for long periods with blood pooling in my bloated feet and legs, running to the bathroom every few minutes, difficulty concentrating with "baby brain," preoccupied, distracted, searing heartburn, pain in ribs, the discomfort of baby doing calisthenics in my abdomen, including jabbing my ribs, stretching my sides and kicking so low it felt like her foot was going to come out! Being pregnant made everything more challenging. So in many ways yes it's a relief to be home now for the home stretch but I was used to the routine of going to work, used to seeing my co-workers and it is harder than I had anticipated to walk away.