One Fine Day!

After a really rough night on Sunday (Michelle wouldn't settle down until well after midnight. I had been walking the floor with her, singing, rocking, dancing, shushing all day and night. My back and arms were aching. My left arm had gone completely numb from my wrist to my shoulder. I thought I may be having a heart attack but figured it was more likely just from carrying an 11 pound infant ALL FRIGGIN DAY!!!) I was so grateful to have a good day with the baby on Monday! Woo hoo!

It started out well. We slept in! Well, sort of. Not that she ever sleeps straight through the night. She wakes up every few hours or less to feed but then goes back to sleep, sleeping and feeding and sleeping and feeding until the early morning when she starts to fuss and wants to get out of bed, be changed, entertained etc. Except yesterday she decided to take it easy on Mama (or maybe she was exhausted and catching up after her day before where she had almost no sleep and stayed up late) and we didn't get out of bed until after NOON!! It was like winning the lottery. But it gets better...

If you follow my posts you may have caught the one where I mentioned my Big Mac attack that was thwarted by the Boss. (She had screamed in the drive-thru line-up just as I was about to pick up my food from the window. I couldn't deal with her meltdown and the line-up wasn't moving so I just drove out of line and went home, starving.) Well, on Monday I actually got to purchase my Big Mac meal! Michelle stayed asleep! Some of it was luck. Some of it was skillful planning.

It was late afternoon and I decided we should go for a walk. Michelle was fed and changed. She was due for a nap and she usually loves the stroller. I figured that would set her up for a nice nap so maybe she'd let me make some dinner (she doesn't always let me eat. It's a challenge.) So we had a nice walk around the neighbourhood. It was a perfect day. Blue sky, bright and sunny but not too hot, a beautiful cool autumn breeze. When I got home she was sound asleep. Even when I removed the carseat from the stroller. I wondered if she'd let me make dinner. Then I thought. OMG I could get McDonalds! "Now's your chance!" I thought. So instead of going into the house, I put the carseat in the car and headed to McD's. Fingers crossed. This time, it's like the Universe was helping me along. Everything fell into place. I got all green lights, Michelle stayed asleep and there was no line-up at the drive-thru. Not one car! A miracle! (Mind you it was pretty early. Just turning 5:00 PM). I placed my order, paid for it and got it without a peep from Michelle who was still miraculously off in dreamland in the backseat. I kept checking the rearview mirror in disbelief that her eyes were still closed. I can't tell you how happy I was to have my little brown bag and to nibble those delectable shoestring fries on my way home! With the car window rolled down, a beautiful cool breeze blowing through my hair, the baby sleeping like an angel in the rearview mirror and hot, salty perfect french fries in my mouth, I was on top of the world. Yes I can appreciate the simple things now. Like just being able to go to a drive-thru without incident. To be able to drive home in peace, without a banshee shrieking in the backseat.

I called my Mom and sounded so happy she thought I'd won a lottery. I said no I just finally got to have McDonalds after craving it for weeks. Of course the Big Mac was cold by the time I actually got to eat it (Michelle was hungry by that point and while the nursing pillow does allow me to do other things while nursing, I didn't feel comfortable eating a hamburger over her head. The Big Mac can be messy!)

I praised and thanked Michelle for being such a good girl. She was so sweet. Smiling more than usual. A huge, heartwarming, breathtaking, totally innocent and beautiful smile. She gazed into my eyes longer than ever. Smiling, cooing and gurgling and making adorable noises. And she said "Hi" again. It may still be a fluke. I'll have to get a second opinion if she does it when someone else is around. She is a clever girl though. She knows she has me wrapped around her finger and she knows how to play me. After last night I was at the end of my rope, so today she was an absolute sweetheart to make up for it.

I've started reading books to her. She seems to like it. She looks at the pictures and seems quite curious. I limit it to the simple board and bath books with just a few words. She doesn't seem to have much interest in toys yet except for the ones that light up and make music.

Mom said my sister was asking how the baby and I were doing.
"It's a rollercoaster!" Mom said. It certainly is. Ups and downs. Good days and bad. I am so so grateful for the good days, the highs, the happy moments where she is my perfect little angel and I adore her. It helps me to get through the bad days, the lows, the stressful moments where she is a screaming little demon and I don't know how I'll cope!

To top it all off, she even let me watch the finale of my favourite show, Bachelor Pad. (And it was a surprising and eventful finale to say the least! Tony proposed to Blakely. Poor Rachel lost at love and money, Nick the snake stepped out of the background and shocked us all by winning the $250K!) Yes I'm a reality TV junkie. The Bachelor(ette) franchise and Survivor are the only shows I care about. I don't bother with sitcoms anymore. I never really liked dramas (I have enough drama in my real life! LOL) Thankfully Michelle nursed and fell asleep, remaining quiet through my show (the week before hadn't gone so well and I missed most of it while she had a stage 3 meltdown and I nearly had one of my own!) I was so grateful she lasted 2 hours! Sometimes she'd stir slightly and I'd think "Oh no! Please let me watch this!" and she complied. Of course I made sure not to disturb her by moving her. That's the key. When she falls asleep in my arms and I try to put her down she often wakes up instantly or a few minutes later crying and then I have to soothe her to sleep again (which can take HOURS of walking around and rocking her in my arms.) I let her stay asleep on me even though it was awkward and my back was aching.

I hope there are more days like this. I hope she lets me go shopping once in a while too. One of my favourite stores opened in my city recently and I haven't even been able to go to it yet. I never get to go to the stores I love anymore. She doesn't like to be still (in a stroller or cart) so the more things I stop to look at the worse it is. I'm afraid every time I head to a store that she'll cause a scene so I usually just avoid it. Of course I do have to eat occasionally so I can't avoid grocery shopping! It's always scary. I don't know why I worry. Who cares if people stare? I guess because I feel like it's my fault somehow or that they'll think it is. They always blame the parents. When you see a kid having a tantrum (and you don't have kids of your own) you think "Gheesh! Can't you control your kid?!" But she's a baby. A force of nature. You can't control her! And to the people who stare at me and my screaming child I'd like to say "Yeah but she's a happy baby too! You should see how she smiles at me at home! She looks into my eyes and smiles the biggest sweetest smile you've ever seen. And that's worth everything else I go through." I know when I used to hear screaming babies when I was out I thought "I'm glad that's not me!" Until I was pregnant and I smiled and thought "That will be me soon!" I really didn't know how stressful it actually is when you're the parent pushing that screamer in the stroller.

Don't get me wrong. Now I'm glad it is me. I'm grateful to be a Mom. Even when it's not easy. Yes it is a rollercoaster but I've always loved rollercoasters. I'm on this ride for the duration! I'll survive the lows and celebrate the highs. There's never a dull moment. Each day I don't know how it's going to go. You just go with the flow. Twists. Turns. Exhilarating ups. Heartstopping downs. Screams. Squeals. Smiles. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!