Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Life is but a dream

I can't believe we're more than halfway through September already! I must sound like a broken record by now but time is going by MUCH too fast! It's so hard to find time for anything anymore. There is a lot going on in my life now that I can't (or won't) really get into here... I may be going "off the grid" soon. No more internet. Or maybe I'll just take a break. I will have to see. There are a lot of changes on the horizon. I'm trying to simplify my life in a number of ways. Staying off the computer more is one of them.

Life with Michelle is always an adventure. Recently we went to the Princess Margaret Lottery Dream Home in Oakville. It was stunningly decorated (they always are.) There was quite a crowd so it was tricky navigating our way through the house, especially with Michelle running around, but she had a great time. She made herself at home, running amok as per usual. I couldn't believe the size of the closet. It was like a room itself. Michelle ran through it. Sometimes when it was really crowded it was hard to let her walk at all. She looked funny, this tiny person wandering through the crowd. Everyone made a fuss of her (saying how cute she is, how bright she is etc) except one woman who was holding her ears when Michelle ran in screaming with glee (I think the woman had a migraine or something.) Michelle loves to hear herself scream, whether she's happy or sad. It's a good thing I don't get migraines!


It was hard to hold onto Michelle. She was too excited and wriggling to get down. Sometimes she is shy around strangers but on that day she didn't seem phased at all by the throngs of people. She was eager to explore room after room in the 7500 square foot, $3.7 million palace.

The rooms were beautifully decorated, though not very practical for a baby. My Mom noticed that they didn't even have a children's room this time. Perhaps the designer decided to cater to adults instead.

The bathroom was luxurious and even had a library by the bath! I remembered the days when I used to be able to lie leisurely in the bath and read a book. Of course those days are gone now. I only get to take baths with Michelle and they are anything but relaxing! Michelle likes to dance around and jump and splash in the tub and I just try to keep her from slipping and falling. These days I don't get to read much, period. There isn't a lot of time for most of the hobbies I used to have (writing, playing guitar, painting, gardening etc). When I sing it's mostly lullabies. It's almost impossible to find time to myself. Michelle will play independently for a few minutes here and there but she still expects my undivided attention. If I try to walk away for just a moment to do the dishes or grab the laundry, she goes ballistic. The only time to myself is in the evening when she falls asleep and then I have to try to get things done so there isn't really time for hobbies or leisure ever. I really can't complain though. After all I had a lot of time to myself before Michelle came along. I was still single at 42 years old. I had plenty of time to enjoy my hobbies before. Now Michelle is my life. And she's worth the sacrifices. It was about time I settle down anyway. I always had a problem with commitment. I didn't know if I'd ever find "the one," ever have a lasting relationship. Now I have a relationship that will last the rest of my life. Michelle is my greatest love and biggest commitment ever. I never could have imagined that what I feared the most would bring me the most joy.

I thought about how wonderful it would be to win the dream home. Not only because it's a big, beautiful house but it would be so close to my Mom and my sister (winning a lottery is the only way I'd be able to afford living in Oakville!) My Mom is hoping she wins it. Of course everyone who walks through it hopes that they'll win. At least the money goes to a good cause -- the Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation, committed to conquering cancer. It's a nice dream anyway.

I suppose it would be hard to take care of a house that big. I have a hard enough time as it is now!

 Even after being in a mansion it's still nice to come back to our little house. It's filled with our things. Michelle loves her toys and her books. She's even started speaking in phrases: "Mama read baby story." She wants me to read to her all the time, often the same books over and over. My Mom says she's so much like me it's like having her baby Ann Marie back again. Michelle tries to sing the way I did as a baby, though she chose a different song. I used to sing Twinkle Little Star. She sings "Row, row, row your boat." (Though all she has so far is "Row row row" which she sings over and over through the song. "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream." I sing it when we're in the bath. It helps me to relax a little. I used to sing it to Michelle when I was pregnant too. It's a simple song but a philosophy of life as well -- to relax, not to worry, or take anything too seriously, to just enjoy the journey because life is just a dream anyway.

Wherever we may end up in the future, home is where Michelle is. She's my little princess. She still surprises me every day with new words, new expressions. I can't believe how fast she's growing up. 

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