Happy 70th Birthday!

I can't believe my Mom is 70. She looks 20 years younger. Of course she does a lot to protect her skin. She's been slathering on moisturizer for decades and she avoids the sun. Not only does she baste herself in sunblock but she stays in the shade and even in the car will hold a newspaper up to block out the sun if there isn't a blind on the window. I tried explaining to her that when you're wearing SPF 60, the sun is not getting through but she doesn't want to take any chances. I do have to hand it to her. People never guess her age. Maybe it runs in the family though because my sister looks younger than she is and I was still getting asked for I.D. a year ago. (Even at the casino where you only have to be 18!)

I offered to host Mom's birthday party last weekend. It's a challenge having the whole gang over in my little house. With five kids running amok, it can be chaotic at times. We survived it. Some of the balloons did not. My nephew James dragged them over toward the ceiling light and popped a couple. Then he pushed them against the Christmas tree lights and popped some more. I wouldn't have thought those tiny tree lights had enough heat to break a balloon. It kind of makes me nervous now to have the lights on at all. If they can burn a balloon why not the ornaments?


It was a challenge preparing for the party. Transporting three large balloon bouquets and a baby home in the middle of the night was a surreal experience. I was starving at the time and tempted to pick up McDonalds but thought better of it. I would have looked like a circus act! Besides I was anxious to get home. Michelle was being good but was staring at the balloons on either side of her as though they were aliens from outer space. It must seem strange to her when these unusual objects suddenly invade her world. One night she went to sleep and woke up the next day to find a white Christmas tree in her living room. Then the kitchen and living room are filled with balloons. She seemed to take it in stride. The cat wasn't too impressed though. Cats don't like change. Aside from the balloons I had also moved a bunch of chairs into the kitchen to make more seating room for the party.

I had hosted Mom's birthday party last year, of course that was before I was pregnant, or rather, before I knew I was pregnant. Ironically, as I've mentioned in previous blogs, it was on the evening of my Mom's birthday party that Mike (my baby's father) was kidding around and stuck a silver balloon under my shirt like a pregnant belly. Six days later I would find out I was pregnant. You would think I'd be afraid of balloons now! Actually they do scare me a little. I'm always afraid they'll pop.

I had Michelle dressed in a little black and pink velvet, lace and satin dress. I love dressing her up. She doesn't seem to care what I put on her though she tries to chew everything. The lace on the dress was soaked from her chewing on it. I got her some teething toys but she has no interest in them. She only wants to chew the things that you'd rather she didn't. Like her own hand, my hand or shoulder, and everything else in sight! She's drooling a lot too which I've heard from other moms is common at 3-4 months. So I guess she is teething. My Mom wanted me to put a bib on Michelle at all times but it seems silly to dress her up and then stick a big ugly bib on top of it. Mom then suggested putting the bib underneath her top so her chest wouldn't get wet with all the drool but then it looks too big and bulgy and doesn't seem like it would be comfortable for her either. They should invent a little mock undershirt (like they have mock turtlenecks for adults) to go under baby clothes. Something that isn't too bulky but that would protect them from the drool. I guess it could be worse. One Mom that I spoke to recently has a baby who throws up constantly. Every time she feeds she spits up at least half of it. At least Michelle doesn't spit up that often. It's only happened a few times and even then it's just a tiny bit. (Knock on wood!)

Michelle had been talking up a storm in babyspeak and my sister suggested I take a video of her "talking." I'd taken so many photos of her but hadn't done much video. Of course as soon as I turned the video camera on her, she clammed up. "Show Mommy how you can talk...Say something sweetie..." And not a peep. Just staring at me wide-eyed every time I tried. I did manage to get a few tiny clips of her making little sounds and put it together in a video. It will be interesting to look back on it someday and remember these days before she could talk. I can't wait until she says her first words.

 

 

Michelle has started trying to communicate in ways other than crying (which is a welcome change!) Now when she's hungry she says "Uh uh uh." Always like that. A "u" sound in a group of three. I mimick her which she finds funny and smiles a big smile. Everytime she does that I feed her right away and she seems happy which is awesome. One less thing to cry about! Now if she could make different sounds for when she needs to be changed, when she's tired or for anything else she wants or needs, we'd be all set! She does seem eager to communicate so I hope she's talking soon. I always try to imitate the sounds she makes so that she feels like we're having a conversation. It always makes her smile.

 

Mom is a proud Grandma to seven grandchildren now. She's thrilled with Michelle, unexpected lucky number 7. She didn't think there would be any more grandchildren since my siblings with children didn't plan to have any more and neither my brother Chris nor I ever planned to have any. My Mom was concerned that I would regret it someday if I never had children, that I would feel I had missed out. I don't know if I would have. How can you miss something you never had? I couldn't picture me as a Mom. I didn't think I had it in me. Of course everything changed once I found out I was pregnant. My maternal instincts took over. I loved my baby from the very beginning. Before she was even born and now I know she is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still can't believe I got pregnant so easily at 42 but I know that it was meant to be. Someone told me that they know several women who have become pregnant in their 40s. It's almost like a sudden burst of fertility takes over. It's as though the biological clock is ticking, the body knows it's running out of time so it kicks things up a notch. The body's last hurrah. I know that I was healthier than I had ever been. Eating right and exercising. So I guess it was the perfect time for a baby to make an appearance. Little did I know.

 

When the party was over and after I finally got Michelle settled down I went to tidy up. There were chip crumbs everywhere, cake remnants on the floor, the table (even under the glass table that I'd covered with a tablecloth) and chairs, bits of crayon smushed on the hardwood, crumbs in the couch. I smiled. Kids are exhausting. They are messy. They can be wild (I was afraid at a few points that my nieces and nephews were going to spill something or break something -- it's happened before -- and they were trying to play with Michelle's swing and jumperoo.) But they are so full of energy and excitement. They're so free. They're not uptight and stressed out like me. I wish I was a little more laid back. I tend to be a bit of a control freak. I hope I'm able to relax enough to give Michelle room to explore without worrying and nagging. I don't want to be a Mom who worries about everything and who says "No" to everything. I know I hated it when Mom said "No" so much (and apparently it wound up being my first word!) I will probably have to kid-proof the house a lot more before Michelle is on the move. She's already trying to crawl (rolling onto her tummy and lifting her butt up like an inchworm trying to scooch along the floor). Who knows when she'll be walking? I want to give her a taste of freedom and independence while still keeping her safe. It's a tough balance as a parent. You don't want to be too strict or too lenient. You don't want to be a nag or a pushover. At least there is only one of her. I don't know how people manage with several small children!

 

I love my big crazy family, even though at times they can be overwhelming. I feel blessed to have them in my life. I am especially grateful to Mom and Dad for bringing us into the world. Mom was feeling very sentimental while she was reading her cards and started to tear up. I've always been a sap and am even more so these days with my breastfeeding hormones raging. I started to cry when I picked out Mom's birthday card. It talked about being a Mom -- being the first voice that your child hears, the first face that they see, the first pair of arms that hold them. There is nothing on the planet more difficult or more incredible than being a Mom. One woman that I ran into recently said that she believes having children is something that every woman should experience. As a woman it is the most extraordinary experience you can have. I agree. I never expected it for myself but I am so grateful. It is the greatest gift.

 

I will try to be the best Mom I can be. I won't always be perfect. I won't always be patient. I won't always have the right answers. But I will always always love her. My Mom wasn't perfect but I am so grateful to her for all that she's done for me. It wasn't until having my own child that I could fully appreciate and understand what being a Mom means.  

 

 



Cutest Halloween Moments

I've always enjoyed answering the door to the kids on Halloween night but this year was even more fun since I was answering with a baby in my arms. Kids are so cute. They just say what pops into their heads. The youngest trick or treaters come early in the night. They started at 5:30 pm. I had several people say "Cute baby" and "cute skeleton." One of my favourite comments was from one little girl (a princess) who said "I like your baby!" as though Michelle was an accessory like a purse or a pair of shoes. I replied "Thanks. I like her too!" Maybe she did look like an accessory perched on my arm. I was dressed in black too and carrying a black cat head full of chocolate bars to give out. I was pleased that Michelle was so good throughout the night but then I didn't put her down the whole time. I finally wound up singing her to sleep with the lullabye from Rosemary's Baby "La la la la la la la la la la la la..." which is admittedly creepy but I was in the holiday spirit!

Another adorable comment came from a little boy who asked "Is that a real baby?" I laughed and said "No. She's just a baby for Halloween. She's a grown-up the rest of the time!" He cocked his head and asked "Really?" It was too adorable. I had to set him straight. "No no. I'm just being silly!" How did he actually think an adult could shrink down to the size of an infant for one night? Then again, children believe that Santa can fly all over the world in one night and put gifts under billions of trees. It's amazing what young children will accept as true. I guess I'll have to be careful about kidding around while Michelle is young! I don't want to mess with her head.

Michelle in her skeleton sleeper was a hit with the kids and the parents. A few mothers admired her and congratulated me. One father who was walking with his kids said "Beautiful baby! How old is she? 3 weeks?" "3 months" I answered. I guess she looks young for her age. At first I thought she was such a big baby. (Let's face it 9 lbs 4 ounces at birth is big!) but now that she's three months she just seems a normal size (though she is 12 lbs 4 ounces and wearing 3-6 and 6 month old clothes). People say she's a "petite" baby.

 

Speaking of petite it looks like I won't be any time soon. Not only can I not seem to psych myself up to start the 30 Day Shred but now I have a bunch of bite sized chocolate bars tempting me. I went out and got extra Halloween candy so that I wouldn't run out and now I have leftovers. I thought it would be cute if Michelle held some candy for a picture. Don't worry I wouldn't actually give her Smarties! Even when she starts solid foods I won't be giving her chocolate for a while. The Smarties made a good rattle. They're one of my favourites. I should have only bought candy that I don't like so that there would be no temptation. Oh well. At least we're heading into winter so I can hide the mommy tummy under layers. I'll try to start working out before the Summer at least. That seems a lifetime away at this point but then I know how quickly the time goes. This year has flown by. 

 

Now that Halloween is over, Christmas is just around the corner. My first Christmas with baby! I'm so excited. It will be even more special when she's old enough to appreciate it. I'm not sure how to handle the whole "Santa" thing. My mother never let us believe in Santa. She said she didn't feel it's right to lie. We knew that Christmas was the day Jesus was born in a manger and frankly, that's a better story. Later on I thought it wasn't fair of her to deprive us of the whole Saint Nick fantasy but then Christmas was still exciting. We got a lot of gifts. We just knew that they were all from Mom. I still enjoyed Christmas specials about Santa. I knew that there was a real person named Saint Nicholas who at one point went around giving gifts to people. But the jolly old man in the red suit with the flying reindeer bit did seem a little far-fetched, even to my young mind. I remember once being in a grocery store bakery when I was a kid and seeing a cake with a Santa head on it. The woman behind the counter (who was a little confused herself) said "That's a cake for Santa's birthday!" "Christmas is Jesus' birthday" I corrected her. I was a precocious little thing. I also came from a Catholic mother who read the entire Bible while pregnant with me. So, I'm torn. Part of me wants to carry out the whole Santa Claus ruse like everyone else, wrapping up gifts labeled from Santa and putting out milk and cookies but another part of me doesn't feel it is right to lie. Either way I want her to have happy, magical Christmases.

 

My scariest Halloween moment was when I misplaced my nipple! I use a rubber nipple shield for breastfeeding and it is a life-saver. I couldn't get by without it. In the commotion of Halloween, back and forth to the door (luckily I managed to squeeze a feeding in between answering the door to trick or treaters) I had lost it. I was in a panic. I have an emergency back-up one still in the package but I wanted to keep that as a souvenir and I'm not even sure where it is for that matter. I started looking frantically. What if I couldn't find it before her next feeding? I couldn't do the bare nipple thing. The last time I did that was when I first brought her home from the hospital and she chewed me to bits! (Literally. I was bruised and bleeding!) I usually have the shield sitting on a tissue after feeding, waiting to be washed. I checked by the sink. It was nowhere to be found. I was afraid I'd accidentally thrown it away. Then I suddenly saw it stuck to the oven! I guess the oven wanted to be a breast for Halloween! After feeding Michelle I had rushed to the kitchen to pick up the candy and answer the door and I guess I dropped it at that point. I was so relieved to find it. 

 

Michelle fell asleep in my arms and stayed asleep even when the last of the stragglers were at the door trick or treating at close to 8 pm. "I hope I didn't trick or treat too loud for the baby!" said one boy after realizing there was a sleeping skeleton in my arms. But he hadn't. She seemed quite content with all the commotion of the evening. The doorbell, the knocking, the strangers. I enjoyed my first Halloween with Michelle and I was pleased that it was all wrapped up in time for me to watch Survivor! I'm a reality TV junkie. It's my guilty pleasure. That and sugar. Those Smarties are beckoning me...

 

 



What are the odds?



Beautiful birthday girl!



This past weekend we celebrated my niece, Shannon's and nephew, Reggie's birthday. They are my sister's two youngest. Yes they were born on the same day. No they're not twins! They were actually born 8 years apart, on the same day! Shannon was born a couple of weeks earlier than her due date. Reggie was born a few days earlier than his due date. My sister was really hoping he would NOT be born on the same day as Shannon. She wanted them each to have their own special day, separately. Unfortunately the way the law of attraction seems to work, the more you focus on something, the more you attract it, whether it's something you want or something you don't want. So when she kept saying "I don't want him to be born on the same day! Don't let it be the same day as Shannon's birthday!" sure enough the Universe responded by having Reggie born right on Shannon's birthday. Of course Shannon is such a sweetheart she didn't mind sharing her day. But it does make things a little more hectic. 

There were already coincidences with birthdays in our family. My nephew Dan and nephew James were born a day apart. My niece Eve was born the day after my due date so my baby may share a birthday with her! When you consider that there are 365 days in a year, seriously what are the odds of having so many family members born on or around the same days? Of course Shannon and Reggie take the cake for the biggest coincidence of all. Speaking of cake,  Shannon made the cakes for her and Reggie and did a fabulous job! They tasted even better than they looked! 



Shannon made the cakes! Awesome!



Double the cake, double the gifts, double the chaos! In our family alone there are 6 nieces and nephews. My baby will be the lucky number 7th grandchild as my Mom pointed out. Add my brother-in-law's family to the mix and we're up to 10 cousins running amok. (Well technically my oldest nephew Dan is an adult so he doesn't run amok quite as much!) It's still surreal to me that my baby will get to meet the whole gang at her first Christmas this year. It will be the best Christmas ever with my precious miracle gift! I never thought in a million years that I'd have my own baby someday. 

 

The sweet birthday boy and girl!

                                                                      I love when the whole family is together but when the house is full of kids it is a bit of a three ring circus! Running, laughing, squealing, screaming, crying. One falls, another bangs his head, another two are fighting over balloons. A couple of them in the "terrible twos" stage, trying to assert their independence, insistent on getting their way, not fond of the word "no" can get very vocal. There were a couple of ear-splitting moments where my siblings and in-laws smiled at me and asked "See what you have to look forward to?" But I am looking forward to it. It's amazing how your perspective changes once you're in Mommy mode. The sound of children crying and screaming used to just be an irritant. Now it makes me smile. It feels like home.

Anyway, I'll only have one little one to look after, not 10 at once (except at visits and get-togethers and when you're used to living alone the chaos is actually kind of a fun place to be for a change.) It will be a while before I'll have to contend with the terrible twos. I know that a newborn will be a handful. Though you never know, I may get lucky like my niece-in-law did. She said everyone was telling her how difficult it would be but her little one is nine months old and has been a dream child. She sleeps 9 hours, right through the night without getting up! She only cries when she's hungry. She was good as gold all day. Didn't even fuss. Was quite curious and good-natured. I even managed to catch a smile on camera. Or my baby could wind up being a high maintenance screamer insomniac like I was (to hear my mother tell it.) You just never know. One thing is for certain -- my baby will have all my love and attention. Since it's going to be just her and I for the most part and while I am on maternity leave especially, I will have all my time and energy to devote to her. 

  

When it came time to open their presents, it was a bit overwhelming. Shannon and Reggie both tearing through gifts at once. Cousins trying to get into the presents. "No sweetie it's not your birthday. That's for Reggie." So much going on at once it was hard to keep track. It all went by so fast, a flurry of bags and boxes and flying tissue paper, toys and clothes. When there are that many kids it's almost impossible to control. They are like forces of nature! Like wild animals unleashed! 

It was fun but stressful, especially for my sister who was trying to watch both of her kids open their gifts, and take photos, and coordinate a meal, see to the guests etc. We are a big family. When we all get together, both sides of the family, there are more than 20 of us! It's nice to have a tight-knit family though. I hear of a lot of families that don't even get together for special events. It's always been a tradition in our household and always has been in my brother-in-law's family as well. We are a close loving bunch!

 I couldn't help but think how lucky Shannon and Reggie are to have so much love from their family and extended family. They really are blessed. 

When I'm home it will just be my baby girl and me, a family of two, but I will always be visiting my Mom and sister and on special occasions my little one will get to see all her cousins, aunts and uncles.  

It's always a challenge getting a group shot. Especially with a group this big. To fit everyone in, to get everyone looking. I'm glad to get these photos though. It reminds me what a big extended family we have. The self-timer lets me sneak into the shot at the last minute as well. I have 10 seconds to run in and take my place before the picture snaps. The next time we are all together, I will have a smaller belly (hopefully!) and be holding my precious little baby girl.  

Photos have always been so important to me. They are my way of holding on. Kids grow up so quickly. Things change. Life is so fleeting. But the photos are forever. They capture the moment and preserve it. I feel fortunate to have so many memories captured in images. Previous boyfriends used to tease me about it but even some of them wound up thanking me years later for taking those pictures of their family. Something they'd never had before. You hold on to what is most precious.

It feels like only yesterday that I found out I was pregnant. Now we're into June and I'm having my baby next month! I want to remember this time. I want to remember being pregnant, being nervous and excited about the baby, the biggest event of my life coming up. I am glad I got so many pictures last year of my adventures before the baby and I'm glad to have these pictures now. This is my life journey and I feel a need to record it.

And my little girl is going to be inundated with photos! I'll be the biggest mamarazzo (the Mom version of paparazzi!) ever! Everyone says how quickly the time goes by, how they don't stay little for long. I will want to capture every moment.



Let them eat cake!

 Everytime I see them I am so grateful for my family. They make me laugh. They make me feel safe. They are my home.

As a single Mom, I will have a lot to face on my own but I know that I won't be completely alone and that they will always be there for me, a phone call or a short drive away. I look forward to spending time with my baby, just her and I. I also can't wait to get together with everyone for special occasions. I want her to see how lucky she is to be the newest member of this amazing, crazy family.