Gone in a Flash

If you've been following my blogs, you've probably figured out that I'm a total photoholic. I am obsessed with photos. I seem to have a need to record every moment of my life. It's my way of holding on. Life is fleeting. Photos are forever. Of course as life moments go, my baby is the crowning glory. When it comes to photo ops (and I've enjoyed my share including close encounters with a moose, lightning, fireworks, landmarks around the globe, macros of flowers and plants, animals and thousands of snapshots of people) it doesn't get any bigger than this!

Photos are a big part of this blog for me. I always include them. One day while I was composing a new post, I tried to upload a photo and it wouldn't let me. When I clicked on upload, the window just stayed blank with a little circle going around and around. Soon I was spinning too. At first I thought it was just a temporary glitch but the next day the same thing was happening. I could upload videos from Youtube. I could upload photos that were already in my blog but no new ones. The window to browse from my computer just wasn't coming up. Was it a problem with my computer or with Blogger? I was worried I'd never be able to add pictures again. I don't think I'd even want to continue the blog without photos. It wouldn't be the same. How could I show Michelle growing and changing? How could I share all her milestones? Just writing about things isn't enough. A picture says a thousand words after all. This blog traces Michelle's (and my) journey and the pictures tell more than half the story. I'm not a techie and didn't know how I'd ever figure it out or fix the problem. Luckily I Googled it and discovered that I was not alone. Other people were experiencing the same technical difficulties. Someone was kind enough to advise us that Blogger's engineers were working on it. They also gave a work-around solution -- you can compose in HTML mode and upload the photos there. Though the images show up as code there you can hit Compose or Preview after to see them. I was so relieved. So that's what I've been doing for the last couple of posts. (It would appear that Blogger still hasn't fixed the problem because I still had to go into HTML mode to upload photos here. It's been weeks now.)

As if the Blogger thing wasn't enough to thwart a snap-happy Mommy, I would soon encounter another, much bigger snag on the photo front...


One day I had set the self-timer to take a photo of Michelle and I (often the only way I can get in photos is with the timer, otherwise I'd always just be the person behind the camera at special events etc.) When the picture snapped, the flash made a loud Snap Crackle Pop! sound (apparently it's not just for cereal anymore.) It startled me. It sounded like the camera was about to explode. When Michelle was safely out of the way I tried hitting the shutter button to see what would happen. It was scary enough when I was across the room. Holding the camera in my hand while it popped, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I thought it might catch fire or something. Snap crackle pop was apparently the sound of the flash on my Coolpix Nikon L110 taking its last breath. Sigh. No more flash.

It figures. I don't have much luck with cameras. Many years ago I had a Canon dropped on the cement by a stranger who offered to take a picture of my boyfriend and I in Montreal (which was why from that day on I only had cameras with self-timers. I trust a flat surface more than a stranger.) I had a Minolta that died after 3 years. A Kodak. A Pentax. It seemed cameras only ever lasted 3 years for me. Mind you, to be fair to the camera manufacturers, I take a MOTHERLODE of photos. I've taken thousands. It may even be a million by now. Three years with me would be like 30 years with a normal person. Now my three year old Nikon breaks down, right on schedule. It couldn't happen at a worse time though. While I have a baby! And while I'm trying to save money on maternity leave. I've been so careful even with buying groceries and trying to limit myself to just necessities. Of course to me, a camera is a necessity (right up there with food, water, oxygen). I will have to replace it eventually. I'll just have to go a couple of weeks without groceries and sell some stuff on Kijiji. In the meantime I can still take photos in natural light. I actually love natural light. The only problem is when it's not available. I just have to hope to God that Michelle doesn't do anything particularly adorable and/or amazing on overcast days or at night because without the flash she's just a blur. I can still take videos so if she does miraculously start walking at 5-6 months or something at least I'm covered that way.

The good news is that like all electronics and technology, cameras are constantly getting smaller, smarter, faster, better and cheaper. I took a peek at what cameras are going for now and was somewhat relieved. It wasn't as bad as I thought. If I have to I could get a Nikon now with more megapixels and for half what I paid 3 years ago. Or maybe I'll go for an Olympus. That's one I haven't had yet. I've had just about everything else. Maybe there's a camera out there that can break through the 3 year barrier. I had always believed that Nikon was the best. Now I'm disappointed with them. Actually even before the flash died it was kind of temperamental. Sometimes when I'd try to photograph people they would come out overexposed for no reason. One second you'd take the picture and it would be normal and the next second it would be completely flashed out for no reason, under the same exact conditions. It made no sense. Maybe the camera/flash was faulty to begin with.

When the sun came streaming through the window of the nursery one morning I thought "OK this is my chance -- light! Grab the camera!" I snapped several pictures of Michelle on the change table. Natural light really is the best for photos but in the dead of winter you can't always count on it. There are so many dull grey days. I was happy to get a few shots of her smiling. I love her smile more than anything on the planet. It makes me forgive her for running me ragged, not letting me get anything done, being demanding and impossible at times.

I guess it's Murphy's Law. Things go wrong at the worst possible times, when you can least afford to deal with them. A camera is something I could never live without. I am grateful to have so many memories preserved in photographs. There's no way I'm stopping now. I know that in years to come these days with Michelle will be my sweetest, most cherished memories. They don't stay babies for long. This first year will be gone in a flash (if you'll pardon the pun!)

Portraits with Baby by James Harvey Photography

I am grateful to be friends with a very talented photographer, James Harvey --  http://www.jamesharveyphotography.com/
-- who has helped to capture some of my life's milestones (my CD release party years ago, maternity shots months ago and now portraits with my baby.)

Usually I'm the one behind the camera and I've taken thousands of pictures of Michelle already but I wanted to have photos of us together and I never seemed to have any luck getting one that was flattering of us both. Either she wouldn't look or would make a face or I'd have a weird smile or blink or something. James had the magic touch and managed to get a perfect shot of Michelle and I both smiling. Michelle has such a sweet smile here. I LOVE this photo! 

I made it my profile photo on Twitter as well, replacing the parrot pic with a parent pic! It seems more appropriate. The parrot wasn't even mine. It was a loan from the hotel staff when I was at the Grand Paradise Hotel in Samana, Dominican Republic. "Get your picture taken with a parrot!" Who could resist? (I got one taken with a monkey as well.) This parrot photo has represented me on all my websites for years. I was a single girl who dreamed of living in a bikini on a tropical island. It's not me anymore. My tropical dreams have been put on hold for a while. Now I'm a Mom and Michelle is my dream come true. Someday Michelle and I will live in an island paradise and fall asleep in a hammock under the palm trees, lulled by the sound of the ocean waves...Sigh. As soon as I win the lottery! 

James even snapped a couple more with her smiling. I was thrilled to see them. I love her expression.

Months ago James snapped photos of me in the empty nursery, holding my belly. Now he took some of me with Michelle. My belly has gotten a lot smaller but I still have my "pooch" which the doctor said may never be completely flat again. At this point it looks like I'm about six months pregnant. Oh well. Michelle was worth losing my figure. I am going to work out again. I was happy to find that I can still do a headstand. I want to get back into yoga and aerobics again (Jillian Michaels will whip me into shape but I have to psych myself up to begin the 30 day shred again. It's also hard to find time and space now with the baby. Excuses, excuses!)

I was worried how the photo shoot would go. I never know how Michelle is going to be on any given day, so making plans is always tricky. James had asked what's a good time of day but with Michelle every day is a little different. It was mid-afternoon and it could have gone either way. I was afraid she'd scream the whole time or that she'd be asleep. Of course naps through the day are a rarity for her. They say babies are supposed to sleep most of the day but she never did, even as a newborn. Even if she had been asleep, sleeping baby photos are cute too. I'm so glad she was awake and in a good mood for the pictures though! Luckily she'd just been fed and was content, a bit sleepy but not cranky. James was quick as well because he knew we may not have long before she'd start to fuss. Babies and animals are the biggest challenges for portrait photographers. They don't always do what you want them to. Thankfully James was able to get her attention and to get some good shots in while she was being cooperative.

It's still kind of surreal to me that I'm a Mom. It's something I had never imagined for myself. I didn't think I had it in me. My life has taken such a completely different direction and I'm discovering who I really am. I can't imagine life without her. She is my whole life. It's bizarre because I was the last person anyone thought would ever have kids. I didn't think I was mature enough, responsible enough. I didn't think I could make the sacrifices you have to make. To give up my freedom. I didn't think I could give up sleeping in! But when you love someone more than you love yourself, it isn't a sacrifice. You want to do everything for them, to give them everything. Sleep is harder to come by these days, but she's worth it. When I see her smile in the morning while I change her, it gives me energy to start the day. And I do manage to catch cat naps with her here and there. I adapt to her. Anything that I need or want to do I work around her schedule. She's the boss! I read that there are two different philosophies of parenting -- parent-driven (the parent calls the shots, creates a rigid schedule and baby has to follow it, like it or lump it) and attachment-based (baby calls the shots. You feed on command, co-sleep etc.) I'm definitely into attachment. I couldn't do it any other way.  



Some people will argue that it can make your children too dependent or too spoiled if you cater to their every whim. I want Michelle to feel safe and to know that she's loved. I can't leave her to cry. I'm not going to let her go hungry or demand that she always eat or sleep at a certain time. Whatever her needs are, I meet them. Sometimes I'm not entirely sure what her needs are (when she's been fed and changed and it's not obvious what she wants) but I just keep trying everything until she's happy. It can be exhausting. She's more than 11 pounds (possibly even 12 by now) so carrying her around constantly is killing my arms, wrists and back. But I do it. I can't help it. I can't be happy unless she's happy. My Mom said it was different years ago. Doctors told mothers they could only feed their babies every four hours. Of course they now say that new babies need to eat every 2-3 hours. For a while it seemed Michelle was eating every hour. Now she usually goes 2-3 hours during the day and 4 hours between feedings at night. I certainly wouldn't want to limit her or make her wait.

I loved these shots with the light in the background when James took my maternity photos. It's cool to see my belly replaced by the baby. I lost so much weight in a short period of time (45 lbs in a month or so) but most of it was the baby, water weight and blood. My huge swollen feet are small again. The last 20 lbs (in my flabby, stretch-marked tummy) is the hardest to lose. At first I barely got to eat at all because I was carrying Michelle constantly and she wouldn't let me cook, eat or order food. Now that she's been a little more cooperative I'm actually eating and have even put on a couple of pounds instead of losing more.





Having these photos of Michelle and I means so much to me. I am enjoying this time that I spend with her. I know it will go by quickly so I'm glad to have this stage encapsulated in photos. Thank you so much to James for capturing my baby and me in these images. I love them. If you're looking for a photographer in the area, James does portraits of all kinds and weddings as well. Visit his website: http://www.jamesharveyphotography.com/

Michelle and I have so much ahead of us. People keep asking what I'm doing next year (about daycare when I return to work etc). I can't think that far ahead right now. It stresses me out. Being a single Mom it will be difficult juggling work and caring for the baby. She is my number one priority. I want to do what's best for her. Anyway, I'm trying not to rush life along (it goes by quickly enough as it is!) and worry about things a year from now. I'm trying to just take it one day a time. If there's one thing I've learned it's that you never know where you'll be, who you'll be, or what could happen in a year. Everything can change. For now, I'm enjoying being home with my baby girl, even when it's exhausting, back-breaking and the hardest job I've ever had. It's definitely a labour of love.

Time flies. Photos are a way of holding on to each precious moment. Life is short, bring a camera!

Maternity Portraits by James Harvey Photography

The magic of photographs is that they capture the fleeting and make it immortal. Life is so precious and goes by so fast. To be able to freeze a moment in time and preserve it is truly magical.

An avid photographer myself, I take thousands of snapshots, obsessively trying to capture and record the story of my life in images. It's really special once in a while though to have someone who really knows what he's doing take your portrait...

A talented photographer friend of mine, James Harvey, (check out his website at: http://www.jamesharveyphotography.com/) offered to take some maternity portraits of me. Seeing as this is likely the only time I'll ever be pregnant (this baby was an unexpected miracle as it is!) it only makes sense to commemorate it with images. I think this shot in the doorway is my favourite. With the light behind me it's like a gateway to the unknown. Light, symbolizing hope. A bright future, full of promise. I like the expression he captured here. I look a little nervous but expectant, happy and hopeful which basically sums up my feelings as I approach my due date.

I also like this profile one, looking at my belly. Some days I really don't feel great but these photos remind me that being pregnant is a beautiful thing. And I know that one day I'll be very grateful to have them and be able to look back on this time and see my metamorphosis into a Mom.

When my sister was pregnant with her first child, my Mom snapped a photo of her on the stairs just as she was on the way to the hospital. I was so glad that we got that photo! I didn't remember her being that big! She was such a tiny thing before she got pregnant. At the time she had gained the weight gradually but looking back at that picture, you just see the end and it's a bit of a shock.

I know that one day I'll look back at these pictures and think "Wow! Was my belly really that big?!"

We even got some close-up shots of the belly. James had mentioned doing maternity photos a while ago but I wanted to wait until I was at my biggest, when my belly button popped out. I think I'm there! I can't imagine getting any bigger than this or I may explode! My skin is already stretched to the limit. I never thought I'd let someone take shots focusing on my bare belly (especially when I'm carrying an extra 45 lbs!) but I wanted souvenirs of this stage in my life. Voluptuous. Full of life.  

Given that I'm a huge fan of Scrabble (and M, my baby's father and I, used to play often) James and I thought it would be fun to do a couple of shots using Scrabble letters... 

"Coming Soon!" It's hard to believe that in a month or so my baby Michelle will be making her debut! Time is going by so quickly. The past 8 months really have flown by. It's still so surreal to me that in a month I'll be holding her in my arms. I can show her these pictures one day "Here you are in Mommy's tummy!" Hopefully she won't be mortified by them when she gets older. (But kids are always embarassed by their parents, aren't they? Or maybe I'll be a "cool Mom." Sure. Could happen!)

"Do you know what you're having?" curious stangers ask me and I very enthusiastically answer "A girl!" I was so excited when I finally got the news (at a 32 week ultrasound) that it was a girl. My doctor was still cautious about the results. When I visited her afterward she cautioned "Well, you can never be 100% certain. It's 99.9% a girl." "That's good enough for me!" I told her. At the 19 week ultrasound they could only tell me there was a 60-70% chance it was a girl because baby wasn't cooperating. Not knowing was killing me. I already had her name picked out from the beginning because I'd felt in my heart that it was a girl all along. We'd done the ring test and it always circled. Everyone had given me baby girl clothes. If it had been a boy, he would have been nameless and stuck with hundreds of pink sleepers. He also would've been stuck with a girlie girl Mom who's not into sports and has no idea how to be a Dad. (Being a Mom will be challenging enough!)

I usually don't like myself in pictures and it's hard to get one of me smiling a natural smile. James captured a couple. I am happy and excited about my baby and wanted that to reflect in the photos. It's been quite a journey so far but I really feel that it was meant to be. When I go through difficult days, I just have to remember that the end reward, holding my baby, is more than worth it. I want James to get some photos of my baby girl and I after she's born. We can juxtapose photos of me holding the belly and then holding the baby.

James wanted to get a couple of shots of me with my artwork. The nursery, as I've mentioned before, has an ocean theme and I painted a series of canvases featuring mermaids and babies. Once I put the artwork up it really started to feel like the nursery. Of course I'm still waiting on the furniture (My sister has graciously offered me her furniture now that my little nephew is getting bigger. I will have to twist my brother in law's arm to bring it here in his truck soon because I can't wait to see the room finished!)

We were heading down the stairs to go outside when James asked me to turn around for a moment as I stood on the landing. I love this shot. I have kind of a sweet impish grin and this angle, from above, really shows off my belly. It looks like I'm cradling a beach ball! After that we took some shots in my backyard, in natural light. He captured a very sweet expression there too. I was surprised at how much I liked myself in the photos because usually I look for my faults. James did a great job of making me feel like a proud, beautiful Mom. That's the gift of a good photographer.

James got a little artsy on me with these cool black and white photos with a shot of colour. To me it's very symbolic -- I'm blossoming, as a Mom. My baby will be my most beautiful flower and will bloom very soon!

James had also brought some blocks to spell out Michelle, my baby's name, and balanced it on my tummy. I really like the photo though I have to admit it's a challenge getting up off the floor these days!

I'm so grateful to James for doing these portraits for me. Though I've gotten several snapshots throughout my pregnancy (from family members or even just snapped myself) they don't compare with these pictures. These are very special to me.

James has done some amazing photos for me in the past when I was playing music. He snapped these at my CD release party for my album Magnetic in October of 2008. It was a magical night and I am so happy to have these shots to remember it by. James, you rock!!!

 

When I came back from Nashville and was writing country songs, James did this country girl shoot with me outside a barn...It was fun working with James and he always has a knack for making me comfortable and for capturing my personality in his images.

  

Looking back at these it seems like a lifetime ago. I couldn't possibly have imagined at the time that one day James would be taking maternity shots of me! My life and my dreams have changed rather drastically. Writing will always be a part of my life. And I will still be singing, but now I'll be singing lullabies to my baby.

This is why photographs are so important. They allow you to look back and cherish each step of your changing life journey. Life is short. Photos are forever! Seeing these pictures transports me back to those moments. I felt like a rockstar! And a country girl...

Preserve the moments that are special to you. If you're looking for a great photographer in the Guelph/tri-city area, give James a call. He specializes in portraits, baby and maternity photos and even does weddings. Here's a link to his website: 

http://www.jamesharveyphotography.com/



Thanks again James!