Saturday, April 14, 2012

Baby takes the wheel...

I'm not in the driver's seat anymore. Baby has taken over -- my body, my car, my home, my life. And that's before she even makes her grand entrance in July! I am so OWNED.
My adorable nephew!
Strangely prophetic...I love this photo. It was the Fall of 2010 and I had just gotten my dream car, the Mazda MX5 Miata. My sister sat my nephew in the driver's seat. I love his expression! It looks like he really is driving. I can picture him saying "Man, can you believe this traffic?!" I never imagined a year and a half later that a baby really would be taking my cute little car from me.
I loved this car. I used to call it "my baby." Now there's a new baby in town and I have to sell my beloved Miata. You can't put a child carseat in a two-seater convertible. At first I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I didn't drive the car through the winter anyway (it was supposed to have snow tires to be safe for driving on snow and ice and I couldn't afford them.) Thankfully my parents gave me their much more practical 4-door sedan to use. Now I just have to sell the MX5 because frankly the payments are killing me and it would be insane to keep making payments I can't afford on a car that I can't even drive (for about 12 years until my child would be old enough to be a passenger. Yeah. Not really a plan.) So I've posted ads and am hoping to find the right buyer...Speaking of which...

2010 MAZDA MX5 Miata
silver automatic two-seater convertible for sale!

BUY ME! (Isn't he cute?)

If you're in the Oakville area (that's Oakville, Ontario, Canada!) and in the market for a new-ish convertible or know someone who is, please let me know ASAP! I have to sell this car and the sooner the better. You can email me at if you're interested in the car. (This is just my email for selling stuff. Please mention the car and/or my blog or ad in the subject line. I get a lot of spam mail and don't open emails from people I don't know unless the subject line explains why they're writing. If you want to email me about my blog, my music, pregnancy, babies, being a single Mom etc then please use my regular email:

Love at first sight...
It was the Fall of 2010. My old, much more practical, much less glamorous, little car had died. (Muffler fell off, brakes were shot, the list goes on.) It was a good little car that got me from A to B for a decade. I didn't want to invest money into fixing an old car. I was feeling a little more daring and wanted to live a little. On the radio Mazda was advertising 0% financing. You can't argue with 0% interest! I took it as a sign. This time, I was getting the car of my dreams. I had loved the Mazda Miata since it came out in the 90's. It was just such a cute car. The dealership didn't actually have one on the lot. They had sold out of them in the Summer and it being Fall they didn't plan to get more in. They tried to talk me into a more practical car they had on the lot. I took one for a test drive. It was a nice car but my heart belonged to another. Passion trumped practicality.
I shook my head and told the salesman "I'm sorry. I like it as a friend. I'm not in love."
He laughed. "I've never heard anyone talk about a car that way before!"
"Yes," I admitted, "I'm a little strange." No. I couldn't settle again. I was following my heart. I was making changes in my life. Life is so short, why not live it to the fullest? It wasn't easy to get. Apparently there were only two silver automatic Miata convertibles left in all of Ontario. It didn't matter. I had made up my mind. They shipped one in for me. As soon as I got behind the wheel, I knew I had made the right decision.

Most of my life I had talked myself out of things. I tried to be sensible, to be practical. I was afraid to take risks. I played it safe. But that's not really living. I wanted something more. Something beautiful and extraordinary. I wanted passion, adventure. I wanted to live the life of my dreams. This was more than a car to me. It represented a new phase of my life where I allowed myself to go for the things I really wanted, without being talked out of it. To follow my heart. To be bold. I couldn't believe it was really mine. And I couldn't wait to go on a road trip. Thankfully the weather was cooperative. It was a warm September and I was making the most of it!

I'd had this image in my mind of what it would be like, having seen shows and movies where they hit the road in a convertible. It looked like so much fun. The real thing far surpassed my dreams. On a sunny day, driving with the top down, tunes blaring, wind in my hair, singing with the radio -- I felt so alive, so free, so happy. I learned the hard way to slather on the sunblock BEFORE the drive though because when I'd head to the beach (Grand Bend, Port Dover, Sauble Beach, Wasaga Beach etc) I'd often be sunburned before I even made it there! I never used to like driving but it was different in this car. I loved driving it. Every trip was an adventure. Watching birds or planes fly over head. The sun beaming down on me, or at night seeing a blanket of stars above my head. It was magical. I cherished every moment in that car. Whatever sacrifices I had to make (the hour-long hikes home from work in the snow because I couldn't drive it in the winter, the payments which weren't easy -- it was a bit beyond my means) were worth it to have those moments in my MX5. My dream was to make the ultimate road trip south of the border, to Florida, to California. In May of 2011, I got to do just that. I was dating someone (a Hungarian Scorpio) who had a friend living in a condo on the beach in Daytona, Florida. We could stay with him. I had vacation time booked. I'd just celebrated my 42nd birthday. Now I was making my dream road trip in my dream car with my dream man. Life was good.

I am so grateful that I got to have that experience. I will never forget it as long as I live. I remember a couple of times while we were on the way I felt like I had to pinch myself. Could I be dreaming? Was this really happening? I was so happy it brought tears to my eyes. Getting there was an adventure. Being in Florida was a dream. His friend was amazing. He was very spiritual and his Zen apartment had such a great positive energy. I felt like I was in a movie. Life was almost too perfect. I took hundreds of photos, many of which were of my beau. He looked like he belonged in Florida. The typical surfer dude -- 6'2" blond, blue-eyed, tanned, slender chiselled six-pack god of a man. I loved his accent (he sounded like Dracula.) I loved that he was artistic, philosophical, sensitive, sensual, passionate. Of course he had tragic flaws (don't they always?!) Financial issues, emotional issues, life issues (an ex-wife from Hell being one). Drama and problems that I couldn't fix. We fell apart in July. He flew back to Hungary to find himself. I tried to mend my broken heart by dating a score of idiots. Men who were pretty on the outside but had nothing on the inside. Or men who were sort of nice but were boring and I felt no connection or chemistry with. Or men who wanted nothing more than a one-night stand (and although my sex drive was OFF THE CHARTS I'm just not built that way. I'm a sensitive girl. It has to be love. I wanted another boyfriend.) Then in October I managed to find another complicated, dangerous, sexy 6'2" Scorpio and fall head over heels for him. In a billion years I never imagined he'd get me pregnant. And then abandon me. But scorpions sting, don't they?

So here I am. It's been a wild ride. You just never know where the journey will lead, what awaits you around each twist in the winding road. What detours you might take. Places you never planned to go but that wind up being the most beautiful. And in the end you realize that it was destiny and you wouldn't change a thing. Yes, I've hit a major bump in the road of life, but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. This baby is my greatest adventure. Being a single Mom is the most daring thing I've ever done. It wasn't something I ever imagined for myself but my maternal instincts kicked in almost immediately when I found out I was pregnant. I would do anything for this baby. She is everything to me. She's worth selling the car of my dreams.

I will miss my little Miata..I wrote him a song in the winter (at the time I was still in the first trimester. I wasn't ready to announce my pregnancy yet. I let on as though I was just saying goodbye to the car for the season but I knew in all likelihood I'd have to say goodbye to him for good...)

It doesn't end there. The baby changes everything. My figure. My lifestyle, habits, diet. My priorities. No more dancing on Friday nights for me. No more dating (mind you, given my choices in love, that's probably for the better! Being pregnant and having a newborn definitely put my dating life on hold for a while. But even after that it will be a LONG time before I could trust a man again. And he'd have to be pretty extraordinary to be allowed into my baby's life. I may have made some reckless choices in my own life, but I will not let some jerk into my child's life. No way, no day.)

I'm starting to kid-proof my home. I've replaced my glass and chrome coffee table with a softer, more sensible storage ottoman:

My pre-baby glass & chrome coffee table

My new baby-friendly coffee table

A storage ottoman for baby toys (thanks to my sis for the toys!)

I never pictured me as a Mom. I thought I was too immature, too selfish. I liked my freedom, liked sleeping in. It's amazing how much it changes you, once you know that you are responsible for another life. Your child becomes more important than yourself. You love them so much you just do whatever you need to do for them. An all-encompassing love and sense of protectiveness kicks in. It's instinctual.

Body and soul, I give myself to this baby. She is my life now. She is what matters most. It's you and me, kid! You're behind the wheel, baby, taking me places I never thought I'd go! Lead the way, we're in for quite an adventure!

And who knows what the future holds? Anything can happen. Maybe I'll win the lottery or something. Sure. Down the road I may have a convertible again. Maybe a four-seater. Maybe one day I will make that road trip to Cali, with my little girl at my side...

At this point, I'm just happy to have a car that can fit a stroller. 
EPILOGUE -- April 2014
I still have the car! I wasn't able to sell it and couldn't afford the payments any longer so my sister suggested I have it built into my mortgage. Now that I own it at least it takes the urgency off selling it . Obviously though as a single Mom on a tight budget I could certainly use the money right now! I took it off the market over Winter (who buys a convertible in the winter? Especially a brutal snowy one like we just had.) Now that it's Spring I've put an ad on Kijiji again:
If you are in the Oakville (Ontario, Canada) area and in the market for a silver automatic 2010 Mazda MX5 Miata, please let me know! It's rare to find an MX5 in an automatic so if you don't drive standard this would be perfect for you. For those that do drive standard the car does have a switch to convert it to manual.
I suppose if I'm not able to sell it I could drive it again someday when Michelle is old enough...


  1. I'm sorry you have to give up your dream car but I love what you said in your last 3 paragraphs, so well said! I can't wait for road trips with my daughter!

    1. Yes I'll miss my Miata but the baby is worth it! & yes we will make a trip to Cali someday! :)