Homebody!

Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2013!

We celebrated New Year's Day with my parents but on New Year's Eve my little angel (now 5 months old!) and I just stayed in. Back in the day I always felt like I had to have plans for New Year's Eve. It is the biggest party night of the year after all. Anytime I tried to do something special however (a night out at a party or a bar) it was a fiasco. I always thought how cool it would be to go to NYC Times Square for New Year's Eve but it would probably be freezing cold, crowded and chaotic. I think I'd rather just watch it from the warmth and comfort of my bed, snuggled up under the covers with my little Michelle. I never thought I'd become a homebody but then I never imagined I'd be a Mom either.

I'm becoming a bit of a hermit. I stayed in my pajamas, didn't shower or leave the house for several days. If you'd told me a year or two ago that I would be content to stay home all the time I'd have said you were crazy, but here I am. The old me was rarely home. I was either working or out. Out playing music. Out dancing. Restaurants. Movies. Boyfriends. I never watched TV. I'd go stir crazy if I was home on the weekends. Now I'm happy when I don't have to go out. It's too stressful trying to go anywhere with Michelle and I can't leave her. I suppose one day I could get someone to watch her so that I could have a "night out" but right now I'd rather be with her than doing anything else and I'd worry about her too much anyway.

Shopping is something I used to enjoy. Since having Michelle it has become a chore at best and a nightmare at worst. Everytime I went out I worried how it would go. The question wasn't WHETHER she would have a meltdown but WHEN. It was inevitable. If I was lucky, she'd be OK until we got to the car at least and scream all the way home, which isn't fun but is preferable to a scene in public. Most of the time she'd wail at the checkout. Sometimes she'd howl from the moment I entered the store. It was incredibly stressful trying to rush around and grab things before she started to scream. But what could I do? I had to eat after all. Well now I have ventured into a new frontier -- online shopping and I LOVE IT!

After hearing my grocery shopping woes (my December post "Venting" recounts one of my WORST experiences in a grocery store!) a friend had suggested I try grocerygateway.com but I was reluctant at first. I imagined it being rather expensive, something wealthy people would do who can't be bothered going shopping. These days on maternity leave I'm on a tighter budget than ever and can't afford to throw away money on luxuries. After researching it however, I discovered that the delivery fee is only $12. When I consider the stress and aggravation of shopping with an infant -- loading a kicking and screaming baby into the carseat, frantically running through the store, having her scream at the checkout, loading all the groceries into the car (amidst her screaming) and unloading them at the house (still screaming), not to mention bundling up for the weather and driving on treacherous snow-laden roads, slipping and sliding with bald tires -- $12 to avoid all that hassle doesn't sound like much at all! The groceries come from Longo's so you know that the quality is good. Their prices can be a bit higher than bargain retailers but if you get things that are on sale you can still get most of the groceries you need at about the same price you'd pay elsewhere.

I finally took the plunge and registered with them. They wound up sending me a promotional code for $5 off as an incentive, on top of the $5 off that you get as a new customer so I only ended up having to pay $2 for delivery. One night while Michelle was sleeping, I went to the site. Shopping in peace, in the privacy and comfort of my own home, was a dream. I had my list in hand. Milk was at the very top (I go through a ton of it!) I was trying to get all the groceries I needed for $100. It wasn't easy but with some adjustments I was able to do it. For instance, I love asparagus but they were charging $5.99 for it (!) I've never paid anywhere close to that. So I settled for broccoli instead which was on sale for 99 cents. I've always hated broccoli but I know it's so good for you and it was cheap so I forced myself. I discovered that although I can't stand it cooked I actually don't mind it raw with dip. When it came to items like milk, I just went for the least expensive brand they had which was $5. I can usually get it on sale for $3-4 or get the better brands (regularly $8-9 which is OUTRAGEOUS) on sale for $5 but it's still not too bad. When I consider the convenience it's certainly well worth a few extra bucks. My health and sanity are worth the investment!

Ironically though many of the groceries cost a bit more I may actually end up saving money by shopping online because it allows me to see a running subtotal and know exactly what I'm spending so I can stay within budget and eliminate things if need be. When you're actually in the store you tend to spend more and grab things that aren't on your list. Those "impulse" items can double your total at the checkout if you're not careful. The $12 delivery fee is still a lot cheaper than being in a store and picking up an extra $50 in unnecessary impulse items. Especially if you shop at Walmart. It's too tempting because they sell EVERYTHING. It's so easy to just put more things in your cart. Online you have more control. You can be organized and limit yourself to just the items you need. Of course they do try to lure you to buy impulse items by advertising items on the home page and at the top of the page in each section but it's easier to exercise restraint when you can see your total and try to stay within your limit.

When you set up delivery you choose a two hour window (I chose 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.) the next day. The driver called when he was 15 minutes away (and it's great to have a heads up so I can try to be at least remotely presentable -- like throwing on a pair of jeans or track pants rather than my pjs! and so I know to listen for the door and won't be in the middle of feeding or changing the baby!) and at 11 a.m. I had my groceries. I can't begin to describe what a relief and what a joy it is to have your groceries brought to your door! To not have to load and unload the car and deal with a screaming baby is priceless. It was like Christmas unpacking the boxes and putting everything away. It was so organized and efficient. An OCD person's dream come true! And their produce was great. They were the biggest Macintosh apples I had ever seen! The delivery guy was very polite. He had me check over my order to make sure everything was OK. He said something like "Welcome to the world of convenient shopping." It is a new world for me! My receipt/invoice even had a welcome note from my personal shopper attached. It was nice. I thought "Man, I could get used to this. I may never leave the house again!"

Of course there will still be times I'll have to venture out. I had to return a couple of duplicate Christmas gifts (which I wasn't looking forward to. I hate making returns!) I waited for a clear day at least. It's been snowing lately and other than putting the garbage out, I hadn't stepped outside in several days. I noticed that my neighbour was kind enough to shovel my driveway for me. They know I'm a single Mom and help me out sometimes by cutting the lawn in the summer and shovelling the driveway in the winter. It is a big help. It's hard enough doing chores inside with Michelle never mind outside. Just putting the garbage out for two seconds she woke up and was crying. It's like she senses that I'm gone. Anyway I survived my returns (though I had to drive around the parking lot at the mall for 10 minutes waiting for a spot. I finally had to stalk someone leaving the mall -- follow them to their car and wait for them to pull out. Why so many people? On a WEEKDAY no less. You'd think they were GIVING things away!) and picked up a few things while we were out. I was so relieved to be back home. I'm like Dorothy in my ruby slippers now. "There's no place like home!"

I've also been ordering diapers online from Well.ca. Michelle's skin is so sensitive she gets diaper rash easily so I use Pampers Sensitive. Unfortunately most stores only carry it in small quantities so you end up paying more per unit. At Well.ca you can get a larger economy pack. They usually deliver in about two days and just leave it on your porch. I was a little uncomfortable about it at first. They delivered on a day that I wasn't home and I worried someone might take them. But who steals diapers off someone's porch? They were waiting for me when I got home that night.

Michelle is 5 months old now! Time has really flown. She can sit up by herself for close to a minute now. She rolls over and over when she has her tummy time and lifts her butt like she's trying to crawl and scooch across the floor. I'll have to be really careful once she's walking. Something tells me she's going to be even more of a handful then! I can't wait for her to talk. I keep trying to get her to say "Mama" but she just laughs at me. So far it's just little sounds and a whole lot of blowing raspberries. Her "I'm hungry" noise has gone from an "Uh-uh" to more of an "Mm-mm" as in Mm-mm good! So I know she can make the M sound. Now we just need the "ah." She's still feeding every couple of hours or less. She's so hyper that she's constantly in motion -- kicking, wiggling, jumping. I was starting to worry that she isn't gaining enough weight. She eats non-stop but she also exercises so much that she burns it all off. I should follow suit and start working out to lose my muffin top but I can't seem to find the time/energy. Maybe in 2013 I'll feel more motivated. I'm not going to make it a resolution but I definitely do want to work out this year. Just not right now. Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after...

 

I can't believe she'll be six months next month. A huge milestone. She'll be starting solid foods. That will be a whole new adventure. I'm getting nervous about it. I've heard conflicting stories about what you're supposed to start them out with. Some say cereal then veggies and fruit but lately I've been told that you have to start with meats because the baby needs protein and iron which drops at 6 months for some reason. The problem is you're supposed to introduce foods one at a time and I haven't even seen baby food meat that isn't mixed with something. It's always chicken and veggies or beef with rice. It's never just the meat on its own. I'll have to ask my doctor at the next checkup. Someone told me that General Practitioners don't know much about nutrition anyway. They only get 10 minutes of training in it during their medical training. What you really have to do is speak to a dietitian. Everyone seems to have a different opinion. I guess it's like anything in parenting, you can listen to a wide spectrum of advice but then do what seems right to you. At least Michelle is starting to show an interest in food. She watches me intently as I eat and tries to grab at the food. She's started sipping water from a glass. My doctor said it was OK for her to have a little water so when she reached for my glass I let her try it. She seemed to like it. It was a change for her to have something cold from a glass since all she'd had so far was milk from me and occasionally from a bottle.

 

Though I do stay home most of the time I do need some contact with the outside world! When I get a chance I go online to check my email etc. Whenever I'm stressed about something I call my sister and she puts my mind at ease. She always knows the perfect thing to say. I talk to my Mom daily. Sometimes several times a day. She likes to hear from me every day to make sure that Michelle and I are OK. I get so used to talking to her that I end up calling her with every little minor detail. It's just good to have a sounding board when you're on your own. My Mom can be negative and a worrier, so sometimes if I'm worried she actually makes me feel worse! Then I call my sister to calm me down. Overall though I must say that since having the baby I've felt closer to my Mom than ever before. For the first time I really understand what it means to be a Mom. I also understand the challenge of raising a family on a tight budget. When I was a kid I used to complain about not having name brand this and that. I didn't understand that we simply couldn't afford it. My Mom seems pleased that I'm becoming more like her all the time -- trying to save money, looking for bargains and now becoming a homebody and not wanting to go out. Michelle has changed my life and myself more than I ever could have imagined. She is my top priority so everything else has to work around her wants and needs. Sometimes it is exhausting but she is worth it.

 

I hope that 2013 will have great things in store for us. I hear the winter is supposed to be harsh. At least I know if we're snowed in I don't have to go hungry. I can have my groceries delivered. We can hibernate until the Spring...

Hibernation

I've never been a fan of winter. The cold. Grey skies. Snow. Almost makes me want to crawl into a cave and wait for Spring. I don't ski, snowboard or skate. I'm not a fan of icicles forming inside my nostrils (which actually happened a few times on really cold days just walking to my car in the parking lot at work). Of course when Michelle is older she'll probably love the snow, as kids do and I did as a kid as well. It's magical when you're a child. For her, I will brave the cold and snow. When she's old enough to enjoy it in a year or two, I will go out with her and build snowmen, make snow angels and go tobogganing with her. But until then, I'm not venturing out in it any more than necessary.

 

We had our first snowfall the other night. I heard the wind howling and took a peek outside to see white flakes flying and some actually staying on the ground. As much as I dislike snow, I have to admit it is pretty in the moonlight. The fresh white snow glistening on the ground like diamonds. But the dark side of snow -- shovelling it, driving in it, the sleet and slush and ice, is not pretty at all. That's the part of winter that I dread. I was always nervous driving in snow. I never have snow tires and  I can't stand the sensation of sliding. Now that I have Michelle I would be more cautious than ever. I won't be driving in snow at all if I can avoid it.

 

Michelle and I had a really good sleep the other day. We slept a good part of the day. After getting up for a while in the early morning we headed back to bed for her feeding and we both fell back to sleep until after noon. It was amazing. We were both exhausted from the night before (where Michelle had been up until after midnight) and needed to catch up. I thought for sure with her sleeping so much during the day that she would never sleep that night, but surprisingly she slept better than ever. Maybe being sick had knocked the wind out of her. (Though it was only really bad for a few days, Michelle and I still have a touch of the sniffles and a cough.) Maybe all the exercise she got in her Jolly Jumper and Jumperoo had worn her out. (I know that when I used to work out it left me exhausted and better able to sleep at night.) Or maybe, like me, she's sensitive to the seasons and senses it's Winter, time to hibernate.

 

A former shopoholic, I've had no desire to go out shopping lately. My Mom called to tell me about all the great Black Friday sales on the weekend. "But it doesn't even make sense. That's an American thing. It has nothing to do with Canada. Our Thanksgiving is in October!" I said. Apparently retailers were eager to cash in on the success of the American phenomenon and were hoping to keep people from crossing the border to get in on the sales. Everywhere I turned (in the paper and on TV) there seemed to be ads for Black Friday. And the sales lasted all weekend. Old Navy was calling their sale "Cheermageddon" which I found hilarious. I've never heard anyone try to make Armageddon cheerful before! I'm not sure whether Old Navy is confident the world is not ending on December 21st 2012 and so is comfortable making light of it or whether they figure if the Apocalypse is coming, you might as well be cheerful and enjoy the next month wearing cute outfits at low prices. As the song goes "Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think!" There are doomsayers who are sure the end is coming. They point to the Mayan calendar as proof. I think they're just misinterpreting it. I wonder what they'll do when the 21st comes and goes uneventfully. I remember when everyone was panicking about Y2K and then it was so anticlimactic when absolutely nothing happened. All those months of people worrying, scrambling and spending God only knows how many hours and how much money preparing for it, all for nothing. Apparently the year 2000 was supposed to "confuse" all of the world's computers (which were used to the year having only 2 digits and now it would have 4. Ooooo scary!) and they were going to blow up or something. What a farce that was. The truth is they're always saying the world is going to end. They were building bomb shelters in the 1950s and going on about the Apocalypse. They've been making movies about it since the 70s. Nuclear war. Asteroid. Aliens. You name it. And yet here we still are. Of course if the world really were ending I might be tempted to go out and max all my credit cards. Why not if you'd never have to pay them off? But I'm pretty sure the world will continue as always. As tempting as some of the sales were, I opted NOT to go shopping on Black Friday weekend. The fact is that money is tight and I'm trying to avoid stores as much as possible except for necessitites. I can't believe there is only a month until Christmas. My family is trying to cut back this year, mostly just buying for the kids. My Mom used to go overboard but she can't do it anymore. Since my Dad retired things are tight for them as well and since they no longer drive there isn't much opportunity to get out shopping anyway. Of course for me, even if money were no object, Michelle isn't a fan of shopping anyway (she basically screams EVERY time I go out. Even if she makes it through the store, she cries at the checkout and it's just not worth the aggravation) and she calls the shots!

 

It's funny because before I was pregnant I used to go stir crazy if I was home too much. I always wanted to get out and do things, especially on the weekends. Now I've become a homebody. I'm content to stay in with Michelle. I never get bored or lonely. There isn't time! Most of my day is spent entertaining and looking after the baby and the few moments to myself are spent getting caught up on things. This blog means a lot to me and I always manage to carve out some time to write something. I need to have some form of creative expression. It's something I've always done and I don't want to give it up. I think when you're a Mom it's important to have something that you do for yourself even if it's just a few minutes here and there. For your own sanity. It's good for the soul. You spend all your time taking care of your child, you need to take care of you sometimes too. I was craving a candlelit bubble bath. It had been a while since I'd had one. I've had a few since the baby. It feels like such a luxury now. I sink into the hot bubbly water and say a prayer that she stays asleep long enough for me to enjoy it. Thankfully she usually complies. There was only one time that I had to get out of the bath after just five minutes. I'm always so paranoid about her waking up and crying when I try to do something that I sometimes imagine I hear her. Especially when I'm in the shower. I'll swear I hear her but then I turn off the water and listen and when I hear the silence it's like winning the lottery.

 

I used to go out dancing on the weekends. Those days are gone for quite a while anyway but I still dance at home. Sometimes I'll crank the tunes and boogie around with Michelle in my arms. Now that I have the Jolly Jumper in the nursery, I can dance in the hallway and let Michelle "dance" or jump along with me. She seemed to get a kick out of it. I decided to be really silly and do a baby video of her jumping along to PSY's hit "Gangnam Style." I love the song (even though I have no idea what he's saying!) Michelle seems to like it too. I put her little shades on her to get into the PSY spirit (he wears sunglasses throughout the video -- I love his video too. It's hilarious.) At least that way we both get some exercise. I need it. I have yet to begin my 30 Day Shred. I keep putting it off. My excuses are very convincing (it's hard to find the space and the time and I'm afraid of waking Michelle. I also worry that such strenuous exercise could interfere with breastfeeding. I'm also scared I won't be able to handle it anymore so I am avoiding it!)

 

 

During winters past I often seemed to fall into a funk. I probably had a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder. The lack of sunlight would get to me. Months of cold, grey days would drag me down. I had no energy. I felt depleted and sad. Before I went to the Dominican (in the winter, a couple of years ago) I had gone to a tanning salon for the first time. I thought I'd better get a bit of a base to prepare my skin for the hot Caribbean sun. Being a redhead I wasn't even sure that I could tan. The girl working at the salon, a redhead herself, assured me that we could. We just have to be more careful. So I started out with just 5 minute sessions (which works out to being the equivalent of two hours in the sun.) It worked out well because I did get a bit of a tan and I didn't burn while in Samana, even spending the entire day in the sun (mind you I was careful to wear sunscreen all the time.) One unexpected side effect of the tanning salon was a huge mood boost. I found that those few minutes under the bright lights gave me a feeling like I actually had been in the sun and it made me feel energized and happy. I felt alive again. I would put my sweater and jeans and winter coat on over my bikini and head back out into the blustery weather and I felt great. It was like a mini-vacation from the bleakness outside. 

 

This year is different. Having Michelle in my life keeps me from getting down. She is my sunshine. Though I still have occasional blue days now and then, most of the time I am happier than ever. Every day she makes me smile and laugh. Every day she surprises me with something new. She lifts her arms up now for me to pick her up. She nuzzles into me when I'm holding her. She holds herself up so well during tummy time that it always looks like she's just about to take off crawling. She constantly comes up with new little sounds -- squeals of delight, attempts at conversation. She had her first laugh out loud, an adorable little giggle. Hopefully the first of many. Up to now her laughter has always been silent, just a huge open-mouthed smile. Michelle is an adventure. She is the sweetest companion I could ever hope to have. I love snuggling with my little teddy bear. When it's cold and snowy outside, I'm more than happy to stay in and cuddle with her, reading stories, singing songs, dancing, laughing, or curling up and having a long teddy bear nap.