Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Another year older...
Of course my greatest gift is Michelle. She says "Mama" all the time now, hugs and kisses me. It makes up for the times she is cranky and impossible and puts me through sheer hell. She's very close to walking now. While I was in the washroom and my Mom was watching Michelle she counted the seconds while Michelle stood on her own not holding anything. "35 seconds!" my Mom exclaimed. She seems to stand a lot better than she walks. She tends to lean forward when she walks so if you weren't there to catch her she'd land flat on her face. I guess she'll get better the more she practices. I think she'll be a pro at 10 months.
Michelle had been a little fussy when we started the drive back home so I sang her to sleep. I found myself moving from lullabies to old songs from the 50s, songs from the 70s, 80s. I was singing songs from my childhood. Anything that popped into my head. I was feeling nostalgic. Then I started thinking about my birthdays the past couple of years. Last year I was pregnant and we celebrated at my sister's place. The year before that I was heading to Florida with my boyfriend at the time (another Scorpion. A blond Hungarian. He was my Summer Scorpio. Little did I know after our romance fell apart that I'd fall for another Scorpio in the Fall and that he would change my life forever -- give me the greatest heartbreak and the greatest gift of my life.) I'd always wanted to take a long road trip in a convertible. Getting to live out that dream (with who I thought was the man of my dreams at the time) was even better than I'd imagined. Scenes from my life started to play out like a movie. I started to tear up. I was grateful for all of it. Even the painful moments. They were all part of my life story and I wouldn't change a thing. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw Michelle sleeping like a little angel. The sun was setting and the sky was pink. As stressed out as I get sometimes with all that's going on, I am grateful. It is a beautiful world. It is a beautiful life. Even when it's tough.
When I went to bed I began to see scenes from my life again -- relationships, trips, experiences that seemed random and yet in a way were all connected because they all led me here. Everything that happened in my past had to happen to lead me to where I am right here, right now: Mom to the sweetest little girl in the world (except when she's a little monster but I still love her even then!)